No matter if you're looking for a date or a spouse, it's hard to escape the dating game. People tease, play hard-to-get, and lie in the hopes of seduction, only to fail in the end. As a result, they're no closer to finding love than when they started. This article aims to explain why people play games when dating. Read on to learn the causes and effects of such foolish behavior.
For starters, it's natural to not settle for the first person who comes along. Even if an apparently good match appears, you never know if someone better is out there. As a result, you hold off on making a serious commitment.
What results is a realization that standards have been set too highly. Suddenly, that person who wasn't good enough is unavailable, and the game player is still alone. If they'd just found someone who was looking for the same thing as they were, they wouldn't be.
At the other end of the spectrum are people who are afraid of commitment, even though they're ready to be in a relationship. They envision a perfect partner, and when nobody matches this image, they use that as an excuse for remaining single. They aren't playing a game at all...they're just confused.
In the middle is the ultimate game of hard-to-get. It's designed to allure potential lovers, but in reality, it always fails. At its core, this game is a lie, and nothing good comes from it. If taken to extremes, potential mates get bored with it, and the player ends up a loser.
Final Thoughts
Before venturing out into the dating world, figure out what you want. Don't waste people's time, or your own. When you're ready, you'll never play games when dating again.
Now listen carefully -
You are about to discover a killer method that most guys will never figure out about attracting women. Known only previously as the 'underground' dating method from the East, the Zen Attraction method http://www.ZenAttraction.com is now exposed to the world.
The Zen Attraction system, while highly unconventional, is 100% ethical and does not involve any kind trickery or hypnosis.
If you are ready to get girls effortlessly, then you wouldn't want to miss this one. Click on this link for an easy step-by-step Magic Method to meet any woman anywhere anytime, 100% guaranteed, and for free: Zen Magic Method
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Zack_Abraham
Monday, June 15, 2009
How to Be Lucky in Love - Get on the Road to Attracting Women
Have you ever wondered why you're single, while all of your friends are lucky in love? What are you doing wrong that they're doing right? Surely there's someone out there for you. The problem may be you. How many times have you rejected someone based solely on their appearance? Did you even bother to scratch beneath the surface?
Read on to learn the downfalls of being too picky when dating.
Looks fade.
I've dated a lot of beautiful women, but I can tell you that most of them were ugly on the inside. In contrast, the best relationship I ever had was with a less-attractive woman. At first, I wasn't interested in her, but her charming personality shined through, making her a supermodel in my eyes. The same can happen for you.
You'll be alone.
At some point in your life, you're going to realize that you're lonely. When this happens, it's going to be too late. You'll look up that guy or girl you rejected, only to find that they've settled down and are happy with someone else. What could've been a meaningful relationship is now a "what if."
You never know.
There's nothing wrong with giving someone a chance. Go out with them, and if things don't work out, move on. At the very least, you'll be able to say you tried.
When to be Superficial
Don't get me wrong: Some people just don't have a clue when it comes to appearance. I'm not talking about a few zits or zero fashion sense. Instead, I'm talking about someone with poor hygiene or an unhealthy lifestyle. Personally, I'm quite a health nut, so I refuse to date a couch potato with poor eating and exercise habits. In some cases, certain habits are inexcusable.
There's a difference between being too picky when dating, and not being picky at all.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Zack_Abraham
Read on to learn the downfalls of being too picky when dating.
Looks fade.
I've dated a lot of beautiful women, but I can tell you that most of them were ugly on the inside. In contrast, the best relationship I ever had was with a less-attractive woman. At first, I wasn't interested in her, but her charming personality shined through, making her a supermodel in my eyes. The same can happen for you.
You'll be alone.
At some point in your life, you're going to realize that you're lonely. When this happens, it's going to be too late. You'll look up that guy or girl you rejected, only to find that they've settled down and are happy with someone else. What could've been a meaningful relationship is now a "what if."
You never know.
There's nothing wrong with giving someone a chance. Go out with them, and if things don't work out, move on. At the very least, you'll be able to say you tried.
When to be Superficial
Don't get me wrong: Some people just don't have a clue when it comes to appearance. I'm not talking about a few zits or zero fashion sense. Instead, I'm talking about someone with poor hygiene or an unhealthy lifestyle. Personally, I'm quite a health nut, so I refuse to date a couch potato with poor eating and exercise habits. In some cases, certain habits are inexcusable.
There's a difference between being too picky when dating, and not being picky at all.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Zack_Abraham
Monday, June 1, 2009
Make HER Want YOU
Most guys are never going to get past the point where they want the girl more than she wants you. And this is exactly what you need to do if you want to deal with less problems, attract more women, and really have a much better sex life in general.
See, most guys don't make their girls hot with desire. They make them feel all warm and cuddly. Who gets laid and who pays? The guy that makes her hot with desire gets laid and the guy that makes her feel all warm and gooey inside pays. That's how it works, fellas.
If you want women to swoon all over you and rock your world, then you have to make them hot with desire and there is no other way of getting around that. Think about it. Why be the guy that opens all of the doors and pays for all of the meals and still ends up with his hand as his best friend?
Doesn't make sense, does it?
So, why are you still trying the same old things to try to make her like you. Make her want you instead. And trust me, there is a HUGE difference!
Do you have to become a jerk? NO!
But, you cannot continue to be a push over and expect that to work. Switch it up. Make her feel the uneasiness of wondering if you really like her. Make her feel the heat from seeing you give other girls some attention now and again
Most of all, don't do what 99% of all guys do. You want her to WANT YOU and not the other way around!
Go to: http://www.geturgirl.com and make HER want YOU!You can publish this article as long as you leave it intact and in full as well as keeping the url link clickable.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Chris_Tyler
See, most guys don't make their girls hot with desire. They make them feel all warm and cuddly. Who gets laid and who pays? The guy that makes her hot with desire gets laid and the guy that makes her feel all warm and gooey inside pays. That's how it works, fellas.
If you want women to swoon all over you and rock your world, then you have to make them hot with desire and there is no other way of getting around that. Think about it. Why be the guy that opens all of the doors and pays for all of the meals and still ends up with his hand as his best friend?
Doesn't make sense, does it?
So, why are you still trying the same old things to try to make her like you. Make her want you instead. And trust me, there is a HUGE difference!
Do you have to become a jerk? NO!
But, you cannot continue to be a push over and expect that to work. Switch it up. Make her feel the uneasiness of wondering if you really like her. Make her feel the heat from seeing you give other girls some attention now and again
Most of all, don't do what 99% of all guys do. You want her to WANT YOU and not the other way around!
Go to: http://www.geturgirl.com and make HER want YOU!You can publish this article as long as you leave it intact and in full as well as keeping the url link clickable.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Chris_Tyler
How to Go Back to Your Girlfriend - 3 Simple Ways to Win Your Girlfriend's Heart Back For Good
Getting back with your ex can be tricky. There are many pitfalls that can keep you from getting back to your girlfriend and make the situation worse than when you first broke. Here are two especially sticky traps to avoid if you want to get back with your girlfriend.
1. The "let's take a break" trap.
Unless your girlfriend was a really liberated and understanding woman do not try to go out with other women during the time you are apart or at the very least don't go past dating. It will leave you with fewer questions to answer when you make your case to your ex about why you should get back together.
2. The "I have no secrets" trap.
Honesty, Honesty, Honesty. If you do have some skeletons in your closet from when you were apart its better to clear the air rather than bring in new baggage to the relationship. Do it in a sensitive way that makes it easier for her to accept. If she really loves you and wants you back she'll be able to forgive you and take you back.
3. The "let's start over trap"
In a relationship old business is never over. If you want to stay together after restarting your relationship you must deal with all the issues that were between you when you broke up. The simple act of discussing what went wrong can be powerful It will be messy and unpleasant but worth it in the long run.
Getting back together with your ex girlfriend is a lot easier than you think. You just need to find the right advice to follow.
I was in the same hopeless situation you're in now. Then after days of research I stumbled upon the secret to getting back together. I don't want you to make the same mistakes I made so for a limited time I'm sharing my get ex back tips that had my ex back in my arms in days when I thought there was no hope. If you STOP what you're doing right now and follow my step by step plan for getting back together that worked for me your ex will be in your arms in no time, rather than someone else's. Go to http://www.How-To-Win-Ex-Back.com to learn your opening move which you can start using today.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Mark_Buchanan
1. The "let's take a break" trap.
Unless your girlfriend was a really liberated and understanding woman do not try to go out with other women during the time you are apart or at the very least don't go past dating. It will leave you with fewer questions to answer when you make your case to your ex about why you should get back together.
2. The "I have no secrets" trap.
Honesty, Honesty, Honesty. If you do have some skeletons in your closet from when you were apart its better to clear the air rather than bring in new baggage to the relationship. Do it in a sensitive way that makes it easier for her to accept. If she really loves you and wants you back she'll be able to forgive you and take you back.
3. The "let's start over trap"
In a relationship old business is never over. If you want to stay together after restarting your relationship you must deal with all the issues that were between you when you broke up. The simple act of discussing what went wrong can be powerful It will be messy and unpleasant but worth it in the long run.
Getting back together with your ex girlfriend is a lot easier than you think. You just need to find the right advice to follow.
I was in the same hopeless situation you're in now. Then after days of research I stumbled upon the secret to getting back together. I don't want you to make the same mistakes I made so for a limited time I'm sharing my get ex back tips that had my ex back in my arms in days when I thought there was no hope. If you STOP what you're doing right now and follow my step by step plan for getting back together that worked for me your ex will be in your arms in no time, rather than someone else's. Go to http://www.How-To-Win-Ex-Back.com to learn your opening move which you can start using today.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Mark_Buchanan
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
What Women Really Want, Believe, Think, Fear And Desire Most In A Partner - Are You Aware Of These?
Isn't this the question almost every man out there seems to have? Almost every man wants to know what women really want in a man when it comes to all the aspects of life. You see women always say they want their man to be such and such but never reveal the real factors they are truly looking for. Now you are about to discover some of the most little known facts women never share with men. Read on to discover what these factors and use them to achieve earth shattering results with women right now...
They want a combo- If you think they only want a few things in their man than you are strongly mistaken. Do you know why some men always say women demand a lot? Because they just simply do it's in their nature. You see women want a total combo of all the social, emotional and physical elements in their man.
They believe that you should be confident- Confidence is the key in every area of life and it can do wonders for you if you know how to use it right in the dating world therefore learn to develop a strong self confidence.
You must be smarter than them- Women want you to be smart and they would only be impressed if you out smart them therefore learn to develop your intellectual skills.
They fear your past- Now this is something you should always be honest about. You should never hide any relationships or flings you have had in the past as women have tools to figure it out themselves therefore it's better to tell them than to get caught.
They want you to desire them- Women want a man who can love them and desire them all their life irrespective of their physical appearance and the changing times.
What you don't know yet- Ever tried to wonder what's in a woman's mind? What is she thinking about? Do you know that women do not always mean what they say? They might say something and mean the exact opposite. But what do women actually want? Do you know there are some secrets women don't want men to know but men absolutely must know these secrets in order to succeed with women? Read on to discover some of the most "Shocking Secrets" women don't want men to know- 9 Most Shocking Secrets Women don't want men to know
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?
They want a combo- If you think they only want a few things in their man than you are strongly mistaken. Do you know why some men always say women demand a lot? Because they just simply do it's in their nature. You see women want a total combo of all the social, emotional and physical elements in their man.
They believe that you should be confident- Confidence is the key in every area of life and it can do wonders for you if you know how to use it right in the dating world therefore learn to develop a strong self confidence.
You must be smarter than them- Women want you to be smart and they would only be impressed if you out smart them therefore learn to develop your intellectual skills.
They fear your past- Now this is something you should always be honest about. You should never hide any relationships or flings you have had in the past as women have tools to figure it out themselves therefore it's better to tell them than to get caught.
They want you to desire them- Women want a man who can love them and desire them all their life irrespective of their physical appearance and the changing times.
What you don't know yet- Ever tried to wonder what's in a woman's mind? What is she thinking about? Do you know that women do not always mean what they say? They might say something and mean the exact opposite. But what do women actually want? Do you know there are some secrets women don't want men to know but men absolutely must know these secrets in order to succeed with women? Read on to discover some of the most "Shocking Secrets" women don't want men to know- 9 Most Shocking Secrets Women don't want men to know
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?
Saturday, May 9, 2009
She Rejected You - Some Reasons Why It Happened & What You Can Do
There is just something that makes women NOT get attracted to men who have lower STATUS than themselves. There is always tension when a lady is taller than her man, she makes more money than him or when a guy is being 'led around' by his girlfriend or wife..
SCENE 1 You ask the lady where she would like to go. If she seems indifferent, make a decision: take her to a place YOU know and think she would like.If you don't, she won't see you as a leader.
SCENE 2 If you are dating this lady who seems so beautiful, such great company and seems successful too, you think you like her A LOT. You ask her out a second time and she agrees.
DO NOT:
1 tell her that you're beginning to have feelings for her
2. do not call her the next day to ask her out again. You need to: give her a little space - let her 'miss' you just a bit.Let her pursue you.
SCENE 3. You meet this nice babe and get her phone number and email address. You set a date and what? - she doesn't turn up. she was 'busy'.Call her tomorrow and she is still 'busy'. What happened? This 'babe' probably committed herself and later changed her mind... What to do? Give her a few days and then call again- confront her with her poor behaviour.
If there is no change, move on.
HOT TIP:
When you ask a lady what she 'wants to do', you put her in control. Most women DO NOT LIKE THIS. It makes them well uncomfortable.
* If you can't make up your mind about where to take her, and then wind up taking her to her favourite cafe, you have failed.Why? You have shown that you CAN'T LEAD.*Remember to always treat your girlfriend / date well.So - what kind of men are women attracted to?~Men who LEAD. Men who are in control of themselves and situations.~Men who MAKE DECISIONS and stand by them. (This is why you canask a girl what she wants and take her to her favourite cafe / clubtell her how you feel about her and watch as she loses interest in you.)~Men who treat them well but don't allow the woman to control them.~Men who show respect for women enough to take no for an answer.~Men who look after their personal hygiene and grooming~ Men who show interest in the lady - as a person not as a sex object.The list goes on.
CONCLUSION:
Attraction is not like other areas of life.It just happens. Guys, being too 'nice' won't earn you any more points. Attraction seems to be triggered by things that make no sense at all and can be easily destroyed. ver to you...
AUTHOR:Award winning Beauty Specialist / Make up Artist Lucy Nadia Muyemba is an online entrepreneurwith 2+ experience as a match maker.Subscribe to receive her free Steps to Success newsletter. send a blank email to: 4menonly@realreply.com
Or visit http://datingadvisor.psend.com for 1000s of thought provoking Dating, Beauty and Self development tips.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Lucy_Nadia
SCENE 1 You ask the lady where she would like to go. If she seems indifferent, make a decision: take her to a place YOU know and think she would like.If you don't, she won't see you as a leader.
SCENE 2 If you are dating this lady who seems so beautiful, such great company and seems successful too, you think you like her A LOT. You ask her out a second time and she agrees.
DO NOT:
1 tell her that you're beginning to have feelings for her
2. do not call her the next day to ask her out again. You need to: give her a little space - let her 'miss' you just a bit.Let her pursue you.
SCENE 3. You meet this nice babe and get her phone number and email address. You set a date and what? - she doesn't turn up. she was 'busy'.Call her tomorrow and she is still 'busy'. What happened? This 'babe' probably committed herself and later changed her mind... What to do? Give her a few days and then call again- confront her with her poor behaviour.
If there is no change, move on.
HOT TIP:
When you ask a lady what she 'wants to do', you put her in control. Most women DO NOT LIKE THIS. It makes them well uncomfortable.
* If you can't make up your mind about where to take her, and then wind up taking her to her favourite cafe, you have failed.Why? You have shown that you CAN'T LEAD.*Remember to always treat your girlfriend / date well.So - what kind of men are women attracted to?~Men who LEAD. Men who are in control of themselves and situations.~Men who MAKE DECISIONS and stand by them. (This is why you canask a girl what she wants and take her to her favourite cafe / clubtell her how you feel about her and watch as she loses interest in you.)~Men who treat them well but don't allow the woman to control them.~Men who show respect for women enough to take no for an answer.~Men who look after their personal hygiene and grooming~ Men who show interest in the lady - as a person not as a sex object.The list goes on.
CONCLUSION:
Attraction is not like other areas of life.It just happens. Guys, being too 'nice' won't earn you any more points. Attraction seems to be triggered by things that make no sense at all and can be easily destroyed. ver to you...
AUTHOR:Award winning Beauty Specialist / Make up Artist Lucy Nadia Muyemba is an online entrepreneurwith 2+ experience as a match maker.Subscribe to receive her free Steps to Success newsletter. send a blank email to: 4menonly@realreply.com
Or visit http://datingadvisor.psend.com for 1000s of thought provoking Dating, Beauty and Self development tips.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Lucy_Nadia
Thursday, May 7, 2009
She Rejected You - Some Reasons Why It Happened & What You Can Do
There is just something that makes women NOT get attracted to men who have lower STATUS than themselves. There is always tension when a lady is taller than her man, she makes more money than him or when a guy is being 'led around' by his girlfriend or wife..
SCENE 1 You ask the lady where she would like to go. If she seems indifferent, make a decision: take her to a place YOU know and think she would like.If you don't, she won't see you as a leader.
SCENE 2 If you are dating this lady who seems so beautiful, such great company and seems successful too, you think you like her A LOT. You ask her out a second time and she agrees.
DO NOT:
1 tell her that you're beginning to have feelings for her
2. do not call her the next day to ask her out again. You need to: give her a little space - let her 'miss' you just a bit.Let her pursue you.
SCENE 3. You meet this nice babe and get her phone number and email address. You set a date and what? - she doesn't turn up. she was 'busy'.Call her tomorrow and she is still 'busy'. What happened? This 'babe' probably committed herself and later changed her mind... What to do? Give her a few days and then call again- confront her with her poor behaviour.
If there is no change, move on.
HOT TIP:
When you ask a lady what she 'wants to do', you put her in control. Most women DO NOT LIKE THIS. It makes them well uncomfortable.
* If you can't make up your mind about where to take her, and then wind up taking her to her favourite cafe, you have failed.Why? You have shown that you CAN'T LEAD.*Remember to always treat your girlfriend / date well.So - what kind of men are women attracted to?~Men who LEAD. Men who are in control of themselves and situations.~Men who MAKE DECISIONS and stand by them. (This is why you canask a girl what she wants and take her to her favourite cafe / clubtell her how you feel about her and watch as she loses interest in you.)~Men who treat them well but don't allow the woman to control them.~Men who show respect for women enough to take no for an answer.~Men who look after their personal hygiene and grooming~ Men who show interest in the lady - as a person not as a sex object.The list goes on.
CONCLUSION:
Attraction is not like other areas of life.It just happens. Guys, being too 'nice' won't earn you any more points. Attraction seems to be triggered by things that make no sense at all and can be easily destroyed. ver to you...
AUTHOR:Award winning Beauty Specialist / Make up Artist Lucy Nadia Muyemba is an online entrepreneurwith 2+ experience as a match maker.Subscribe to receive her free Steps to Success newsletter. send a blank email to: 4menonly@realreply.com
Or visit http://datingadvisor.psend.com for 1000s of thought provoking Dating, Beauty and Self development tips.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Lucy_Nadia
SCENE 1 You ask the lady where she would like to go. If she seems indifferent, make a decision: take her to a place YOU know and think she would like.If you don't, she won't see you as a leader.
SCENE 2 If you are dating this lady who seems so beautiful, such great company and seems successful too, you think you like her A LOT. You ask her out a second time and she agrees.
DO NOT:
1 tell her that you're beginning to have feelings for her
2. do not call her the next day to ask her out again. You need to: give her a little space - let her 'miss' you just a bit.Let her pursue you.
SCENE 3. You meet this nice babe and get her phone number and email address. You set a date and what? - she doesn't turn up. she was 'busy'.Call her tomorrow and she is still 'busy'. What happened? This 'babe' probably committed herself and later changed her mind... What to do? Give her a few days and then call again- confront her with her poor behaviour.
If there is no change, move on.
HOT TIP:
When you ask a lady what she 'wants to do', you put her in control. Most women DO NOT LIKE THIS. It makes them well uncomfortable.
* If you can't make up your mind about where to take her, and then wind up taking her to her favourite cafe, you have failed.Why? You have shown that you CAN'T LEAD.*Remember to always treat your girlfriend / date well.So - what kind of men are women attracted to?~Men who LEAD. Men who are in control of themselves and situations.~Men who MAKE DECISIONS and stand by them. (This is why you canask a girl what she wants and take her to her favourite cafe / clubtell her how you feel about her and watch as she loses interest in you.)~Men who treat them well but don't allow the woman to control them.~Men who show respect for women enough to take no for an answer.~Men who look after their personal hygiene and grooming~ Men who show interest in the lady - as a person not as a sex object.The list goes on.
CONCLUSION:
Attraction is not like other areas of life.It just happens. Guys, being too 'nice' won't earn you any more points. Attraction seems to be triggered by things that make no sense at all and can be easily destroyed. ver to you...
AUTHOR:Award winning Beauty Specialist / Make up Artist Lucy Nadia Muyemba is an online entrepreneurwith 2+ experience as a match maker.Subscribe to receive her free Steps to Success newsletter. send a blank email to: 4menonly@realreply.com
Or visit http://datingadvisor.psend.com for 1000s of thought provoking Dating, Beauty and Self development tips.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Lucy_Nadia
Saturday, May 2, 2009
How to Attract a Man (Who Will Make You Happy for the Rest of Your Life!)
"It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it."--Somerset Maugham
An educated, successful, and attractive woman (we’ll call Jane) reports that she “really wants to get married.” When asked what she’s looking for in a husband, her response is a blank stare. She just wants a husband, she says. She’s already picked out her engagement ring.
Most of her friends are married or getting married, and she’s sick of her mother’s weekly calls announcing the weddings of her grammar school classmates. She’s tried speed dating and singles’ dances. She’s made plans for drinks, only to endure the humiliation of being stood up more than once. She’s had blind dates, which invariably end with her getting out of some man’s car and hoping he’ll call again. He usually doesn’t, and she wonders what is wrong with her. She never considers whether she even liked the guy.
She has made marriage her goal. She may achieve it one day, but she’d be so much better off if she made a happy marriage her goal. She must rub the vision of herself in a Vera Wang wedding dress out of her mind. First, she must determine the qualities she desires in a husband, and also exactly what she expects from marriage. Otherwise, she could end up with the wrong man. The consequences range from a life of misery to death at the hands of an abuser.
Another woman (we’ll call Pat) has been married for twenty years. Her husband buys himself presents for her birthday, like the soap dish and wine glasses he wanted but she didn’t. More insultingly, he gave her Dr. Laura’s new book, The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands.
He has a rotten temper. Once, he threw their toddler’s Barney furniture off the back deck and smashed it into pieces because it cluttered the kitchen.
Pat complains that her husband monitors her spending relentlessly. He pitched a fit when she spent $2.95 on a pencil sharpener. He decides when the heat and air conditioning can run and at what temperature. One brutally hot day, he screamed at her for having the audacity to turn on the ceiling fan without his permission.
Pat maintains that her children love their father, but they don’t like him. They steer clear of him whenever possible, especially since his method of punishment is to lock them in a room and make them listen to Dr. Laura.
She and her husband both have good jobs, but she is “much better educated” than he. So, how did she get stuck with this creep?
Pat met him when she was 23. He was 29 and from another part of the country, which made him seem worldly. She was so flattered to be with an older guy, so caught up in having fun, that she forgot to take account of his values.
“He used to talk about how his grandfathers ruled the roost,” she says. “All the women in their family were beholden to their husbands. He even used to tell me the things his grandfather would do to his grandmother.”
This man told her flat-out that his family diminished women, but she was having too good a time to let it sink in. Twenty years later, she’s depressed, frightened, and unhappy. She has no self-confidence. Even though she has a good job, she is terrified to go it alone without her husband. She’s a prisoner.
Unless Jane raises her standards, she may find herself in Pat’s situation one day. She must stop being desperate. She should make a list of the good qualities she has to offer and read it whenever she starts to feel bad about not being married. She should make a list of the qualities she desires in a husband (“kind” should trump “rich”). Reading this list several times a day will help her attract men with these qualities.
She must stop viewing every guy she dates as a potential husband. She must observe a man coolly, rather than cling to him as if he’s the last bus out of the depot.
It’s critical that she listen carefully when a man talks about other women. Does he look up to his mother, or is does she still make his bed? Does he treat his sisters with respect, or is their main purpose in life making the potato salad? How does he talk about the women in his office? If his boss is female, does he resent her?
It’s key to see how he behaves among other men, as well. Is he always playing “top it” with the bigger car, the bigger TV, or the bigger whatever? If so, Jane should tread carefully. He’s insecure. Eventually, he’s going to take it out on her.
Women can learn much about a man by the way he drives. Does he tailgate? Does he weave in and out of traffic, or is he respectful of other motorists? Does he drive considerately in residential neighborhoods, or does he blaze through? Does he toss burger wrappers out the window at stoplights, or does he treat public property as he would his own?
It doesn’t matter whether Jane is 17 or 65. She must never make excuses for a man’s bad behavior because he might be her last chance. She must shut off the brainwashing machine. No woman ever has to get married! The single life can be fun and full of adventure. No woman should ever give that up for the wrong man. Marriage does not always equal happiness. Marriage does not always equal success.
But, if Jane plays her cards right, it could. Once she raises her standards for the men she’ll go out with, better men will appear. (This is a promise.) She won’t have to jump through hoops to find dates. The losers, abusers, and No-Show Joes she used to put up with will disappear. They’ll sense that she’s out of their league.
Jane will be on her way to finding not just a husband, but also a man who makes her happiness as important as his own.
Terry Hernon MacDonald is the author of How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams (Even if You're Not Rich, Thin, or Beautiful).
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Terry_Hernon_MacDonald
Friday, May 1, 2009
What Women Really Want, Believe, Think, Fear And Desire Most In A Partner - Are You Aware Of These?
Isn't this the question almost every man out there seems to have? Almost every man wants to know what women really want in a man when it comes to all the aspects of life. You see women always say they want their man to be such and such but never reveal the real factors they are truly looking for. Now you are about to discover some of the most little known facts women never share with men. Read on to discover what these factors and use them to achieve earth shattering results with women right now...
They want a combo- If you think they only want a few things in their man than you are strongly mistaken. Do you know why some men always say women demand a lot? Because they just simply do it's in their nature. You see women want a total combo of all the social, emotional and physical elements in their man.
They believe that you should be confident- Confidence is the key in every area of life and it can do wonders for you if you know how to use it right in the dating world therefore learn to develop a strong self confidence.
You must be smarter than them- Women want you to be smart and they would only be impressed if you out smart them therefore learn to develop your intellectual skills.
They fear your past- Now this is something you should always be honest about. You should never hide any relationships or flings you have had in the past as women have tools to figure it out themselves therefore it's better to tell them than to get caught.
They want you to desire them- Women want a man who can love them and desire them all their life irrespective of their physical appearance and the changing times.
What you don't know yet- Ever tried to wonder what's in a woman's mind? What is she thinking about? Do you know that women do not always mean what they say? They might say something and mean the exact opposite. But what do women actually want? Do you know there are some secrets women don't want men to know but men absolutely must know these secrets in order to succeed with women? Read on to discover some of the most "Shocking Secrets" women don't want men to know- 9 Most Shocking Secrets Women don't want men to know
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Pushpa_Pal_Singh
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Tips For Dating - Knowing People
When we come across someone, how do we judge that person? The first judgement we most indefinitely make are by the looks. But when you talk to that person, there are numerous signals that we receive that tell about his/her personality. One of the signals is what the other person actually says. That is, we can decipher the personality of a person from the words the speak. This is a very interesting and useful Advice For Dating.
1) I know everything: The words say that the person likes to tell others about what to do and how to behave and so on. What does this tell about that person? That person may be suffering from inferiority complex and needs to assert at every point. This kind of personality needs to be handled carefully. Never use the word-but. Always agree with what they say, appreciate them and then give your opinion as a suggestion. That will be accepted.
2) I am not perfect at all: This kind of person believes they are full of faults and need to be reassured again and again. They seek reconfirmations. With such people tell them as many times as you can that they are good, it would be like talking to a wall. Do not do that at all. Instead appreciate small things done by them. Give them a little boost here and there. Do not be direct with praise.
3) I am human: This kind of personality is a mix of all emotions and feelings. At one point they may get angry and at another moment this person may say sorry. Third time this person may be soft and offer help. This kind of personality is unpredictable. Essentially most of us go through changing emotions all the time. This personality is easiest to deal with. Words have tremendous power and they may give away a person.
Follow these great pointers and Advice For Dating and they will definitely help in your relationships!
James Mast
Advice For Dating
http://advicefordating.org
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=James_Mast
1) I know everything: The words say that the person likes to tell others about what to do and how to behave and so on. What does this tell about that person? That person may be suffering from inferiority complex and needs to assert at every point. This kind of personality needs to be handled carefully. Never use the word-but. Always agree with what they say, appreciate them and then give your opinion as a suggestion. That will be accepted.
2) I am not perfect at all: This kind of person believes they are full of faults and need to be reassured again and again. They seek reconfirmations. With such people tell them as many times as you can that they are good, it would be like talking to a wall. Do not do that at all. Instead appreciate small things done by them. Give them a little boost here and there. Do not be direct with praise.
3) I am human: This kind of personality is a mix of all emotions and feelings. At one point they may get angry and at another moment this person may say sorry. Third time this person may be soft and offer help. This kind of personality is unpredictable. Essentially most of us go through changing emotions all the time. This personality is easiest to deal with. Words have tremendous power and they may give away a person.
Follow these great pointers and Advice For Dating and they will definitely help in your relationships!
James Mast
Advice For Dating
http://advicefordating.org
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=James_Mast
Dating Tips For Singles - Finding the One
Are you single? Are you looking for Dating Tips that will help you create a lasting relationship? Are you tired of being single and longing to have a relationship that lasts more than a season?
Would you like to find someone to love for the rest of your life? Here is some dating tips for singles that will help you find and build an enduring relationship:
1) Jump out of your comfort zone: You will not find your soul mate, staying locked in the four walls of your home. You need to visit places and events where you can meet people. Unless you provide yourself the opportunity to meet new people, you will not be able to meet your special someone.
2) Know what you want: It is very important to be conscious of your preferences. If for example, you are not looking to have children, then do not think about talking to someone having children. If you don't like cats, then think twice before you decide to build a bond with someone who likes cats. Getting what and who you want starts with knowing yourself and your requirements.
3) Compatibility: Compatibility is a very subjective concept. Compatibility doesn't mean you go in search for a person exactly opposite or similar to yours. But it means, you need to make sure that you will be compatible with the person you choose to build a bond with. Compatibility comes more out of adjusting and compromising. It also comes out of differences in opinions, lifestyles, cultures, etc. So choose wisely.
4) Have realistic expectations: Having high expectations from your special one is the number one reason for relationships falling out. It is not wrong to have expectations but make sure they are realistic. And also do not expect live-happily-ever-after-fantasy. Expect some differences to exist between both of you to be resolved. Only then things will be smooth.
5) Communicate, Communicate, Communicate: Talking is not the only thing that comprises communication. A communication also comprises of listening. A bad listener is a bad communicator. When the other person has something to say, be genuinely interested in what they have to say, without being distracted.
So follow these Dating Tips For Singles and you will build an everlasting bond when you do come across your special one!
Brian Fields Dating Tips For Singles http://datingtipsforsingles.findfastr.com
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Brian_Fields
Would you like to find someone to love for the rest of your life? Here is some dating tips for singles that will help you find and build an enduring relationship:
1) Jump out of your comfort zone: You will not find your soul mate, staying locked in the four walls of your home. You need to visit places and events where you can meet people. Unless you provide yourself the opportunity to meet new people, you will not be able to meet your special someone.
2) Know what you want: It is very important to be conscious of your preferences. If for example, you are not looking to have children, then do not think about talking to someone having children. If you don't like cats, then think twice before you decide to build a bond with someone who likes cats. Getting what and who you want starts with knowing yourself and your requirements.
3) Compatibility: Compatibility is a very subjective concept. Compatibility doesn't mean you go in search for a person exactly opposite or similar to yours. But it means, you need to make sure that you will be compatible with the person you choose to build a bond with. Compatibility comes more out of adjusting and compromising. It also comes out of differences in opinions, lifestyles, cultures, etc. So choose wisely.
4) Have realistic expectations: Having high expectations from your special one is the number one reason for relationships falling out. It is not wrong to have expectations but make sure they are realistic. And also do not expect live-happily-ever-after-fantasy. Expect some differences to exist between both of you to be resolved. Only then things will be smooth.
5) Communicate, Communicate, Communicate: Talking is not the only thing that comprises communication. A communication also comprises of listening. A bad listener is a bad communicator. When the other person has something to say, be genuinely interested in what they have to say, without being distracted.
So follow these Dating Tips For Singles and you will build an everlasting bond when you do come across your special one!
Brian Fields Dating Tips For Singles http://datingtipsforsingles.findfastr.com
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Brian_Fields
How to Use the Tricks That the Alpha Males Use to Take Women Home - Be the Alpha Male
Guys, picking up on really hot women doesn't have to be that hard. The truth of the matter is that the research has already been done. You just need to learn from it. This is not the time to reinvent the wheel. Study what the masters already know and take your game to a whole new level. Women operate on a psychological level and we are starting to figure them out.
If you are sick and tired of not having a date then it is time to change your life. It is time for you to discover what they know. You can be the guy that takes home the hottest girl in the bar, but you need to understand what makes women tick. And that is what this is all about.
There are so many techniques that the pros use to up their game. They spell it all out for you. They are sharing the info that they have learned. Don't you think that you should learn from them?
Some of the techniques they use cover these topics. How to hypnotize a woman with only her eyes. Why your body language is so important. What girls are really looking for out of a man, and how to use that to your advantage. There are so many to get women to want you.
Are you ready to be the confident man that women want? You can be the alpha male and get these women to want to go home with you. You can really have a change in your life. You can truthfully understand how to be that guy that women desire.
You can become the Alpha Male that women want.
Check out the Alpha Male System and change your life right now!
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dean_Olmstead
If you are sick and tired of not having a date then it is time to change your life. It is time for you to discover what they know. You can be the guy that takes home the hottest girl in the bar, but you need to understand what makes women tick. And that is what this is all about.
There are so many techniques that the pros use to up their game. They spell it all out for you. They are sharing the info that they have learned. Don't you think that you should learn from them?
Some of the techniques they use cover these topics. How to hypnotize a woman with only her eyes. Why your body language is so important. What girls are really looking for out of a man, and how to use that to your advantage. There are so many to get women to want you.
Are you ready to be the confident man that women want? You can be the alpha male and get these women to want to go home with you. You can really have a change in your life. You can truthfully understand how to be that guy that women desire.
You can become the Alpha Male that women want.
Check out the Alpha Male System and change your life right now!
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dean_Olmstead
Dating at a NASCAR Race
So you found yourself a redneck partner and want to impess them? Well, A NASCAR date is like a commitment - it can be cheap and not well thought out, or it can be over-the top and a lifelong memory. You're going to need tickets, grub, beer and a good pick-up, (truck, that is) to get you there.
You will want to plan a pre-party, either the night before you leave for your trip, or with your friends that are going along, if you live near a track. The NASCAR party theme can be in the decorations and food, such as black and white checkered tablecloths, racetrack cake, (chocolate fudge brownies with checkerboard pattern cutout stencil to sprinkle powder sugar squares on top), diesel dogs, Petty pepperoni pizza pie, or blackened steak sandwiches and waffle fries. Get creative with it. You can take the grill and the black-checkered tablecloth and make it a tailgate party for just the two of you.
NASCAR tracks are scattered around the country, and the price of their tickets vary as much as their location. Kansas Speedway offers a one-of-a kind, Sprint Fan walk, for the pre-race experience at $15.00 a head. You can watch mechanics in the pit area, get autographs, (be sure to bring a camera, a permanent maker and plan to buy a Nascar t-shirt to have the drivers sign, for a lasting souvenir.) Many other tracks also sell pit passes.
Then there are the tickets, they can range from $15.00 for grandstand to over $200 for great seats-per person, so you need to check the location you are planning to attend. There are several NASCAR ticket websites, just use your search engines to find the ones that offer the cheapest. They also sell the pit passes and parking passes.
If the NASCAR track is not close enough for same day driving, then you are going to need a hotel room, aw-shucks! Yes, but before you get too excited, it could "cost ya' a pretty penny". Hotel rooms are normally marked way up for an event because they know they will sell out, so unless you plan to sleep in your car, plan ahead, make lots of calls and plan to shell out some dough. Some hotels offer race packages that include tickets, lodging, shuttle service to the track and maybe some other perks. These packages are usually multi-day, before and after the event and can cost several hundred per person, but are worth the convenience.
So in summary, a NASCAR date needs to be planned out with a little notice depending on how far from the track you are. If you have a number of friends going, you can contact the track for group ticket pricing and maybe rent an RV or camp to save money. The cheap date package is still going to set you back about $100 per person, (camp, hotdogs, beer, park and grandstand tickets). The over-the top will be several hundred per person. Be ready for some loud noise, not much talkin' going on, shuckin' out some dough, and a fun time!
Looking for a place to find a NASCAR date? Visit http://www.redneckandsingle.com to find over 18,000 single redneck women and men who love NASCAR as well as hunting, fishing, camping as well as romance and adventure.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Fred_Morris
You will want to plan a pre-party, either the night before you leave for your trip, or with your friends that are going along, if you live near a track. The NASCAR party theme can be in the decorations and food, such as black and white checkered tablecloths, racetrack cake, (chocolate fudge brownies with checkerboard pattern cutout stencil to sprinkle powder sugar squares on top), diesel dogs, Petty pepperoni pizza pie, or blackened steak sandwiches and waffle fries. Get creative with it. You can take the grill and the black-checkered tablecloth and make it a tailgate party for just the two of you.
NASCAR tracks are scattered around the country, and the price of their tickets vary as much as their location. Kansas Speedway offers a one-of-a kind, Sprint Fan walk, for the pre-race experience at $15.00 a head. You can watch mechanics in the pit area, get autographs, (be sure to bring a camera, a permanent maker and plan to buy a Nascar t-shirt to have the drivers sign, for a lasting souvenir.) Many other tracks also sell pit passes.
Then there are the tickets, they can range from $15.00 for grandstand to over $200 for great seats-per person, so you need to check the location you are planning to attend. There are several NASCAR ticket websites, just use your search engines to find the ones that offer the cheapest. They also sell the pit passes and parking passes.
If the NASCAR track is not close enough for same day driving, then you are going to need a hotel room, aw-shucks! Yes, but before you get too excited, it could "cost ya' a pretty penny". Hotel rooms are normally marked way up for an event because they know they will sell out, so unless you plan to sleep in your car, plan ahead, make lots of calls and plan to shell out some dough. Some hotels offer race packages that include tickets, lodging, shuttle service to the track and maybe some other perks. These packages are usually multi-day, before and after the event and can cost several hundred per person, but are worth the convenience.
So in summary, a NASCAR date needs to be planned out with a little notice depending on how far from the track you are. If you have a number of friends going, you can contact the track for group ticket pricing and maybe rent an RV or camp to save money. The cheap date package is still going to set you back about $100 per person, (camp, hotdogs, beer, park and grandstand tickets). The over-the top will be several hundred per person. Be ready for some loud noise, not much talkin' going on, shuckin' out some dough, and a fun time!
Looking for a place to find a NASCAR date? Visit http://www.redneckandsingle.com to find over 18,000 single redneck women and men who love NASCAR as well as hunting, fishing, camping as well as romance and adventure.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Fred_Morris
What Are the Pros and Cons of Online Dating
No matter what you choose to believe the truth is that there are some pros and cons to online dating and we decided to list some of them here. So if you have ever thought about using internet dating as a way to meet that special person; then you may want to read this article in its entirety.
In my personal opinion there are many more advantages of using this method of dating; so we will begin with the them:
1. Control over who you meet. If you are tired of going out in public and tired of meeting people who are not really looking for the same things as you are; then you may want to turn to the internet dating scene. You can look for the qualities in a person that you want; you will have a lot more difficult time to do that in the offline world.
2. Ability to meet anyone from anywhere. Have access to the internet means having access to the world. When you join an online dating sites; then you will be able to find people in your local area or anywhere else in the world. You get to decide who you want to talk to.
3. Quantity. With over 30 million people who use the online dating sites; you will find that there is never a shortage of people that you have the potential to meet. When you post your profile you could be talking to someone as early as that same day.
4. Privacy. The most reputable sites will protect your privacy so no matter who you are; you can remain discreet as long as you want. You never have to reveal yourself if you choose not to.
Even though there are several other advantages of using the online dating sites; this article is about the pros and cons of online dating so we wanted to reveal some of the disadvantages of using the internet to find someone.
1. Trust. While most people who are using these sites will be honest about who they are; you may still run into that one or two who are lying about what they look like or who they really are.
2. Long Distance. We all know that when you use these sites you can easily begin talking to someone who lives thousands of miles from you; well you may find it difficult to meet or build your offline relationship due to the distance that is between you.
However we truly believe that these sites do work. As a matter of fact this is how I met my significant other and it is not uncommon for you to know someone who has used the internet to find someone. If you are thinking about getting online to meet someone; then visit our site below and access some of the most reputable sites that will provide you access to the world!
Find That Guy Or Girl Easily ...Get Online Today For Free!
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Joel_Gonzalez
In my personal opinion there are many more advantages of using this method of dating; so we will begin with the them:
1. Control over who you meet. If you are tired of going out in public and tired of meeting people who are not really looking for the same things as you are; then you may want to turn to the internet dating scene. You can look for the qualities in a person that you want; you will have a lot more difficult time to do that in the offline world.
2. Ability to meet anyone from anywhere. Have access to the internet means having access to the world. When you join an online dating sites; then you will be able to find people in your local area or anywhere else in the world. You get to decide who you want to talk to.
3. Quantity. With over 30 million people who use the online dating sites; you will find that there is never a shortage of people that you have the potential to meet. When you post your profile you could be talking to someone as early as that same day.
4. Privacy. The most reputable sites will protect your privacy so no matter who you are; you can remain discreet as long as you want. You never have to reveal yourself if you choose not to.
Even though there are several other advantages of using the online dating sites; this article is about the pros and cons of online dating so we wanted to reveal some of the disadvantages of using the internet to find someone.
1. Trust. While most people who are using these sites will be honest about who they are; you may still run into that one or two who are lying about what they look like or who they really are.
2. Long Distance. We all know that when you use these sites you can easily begin talking to someone who lives thousands of miles from you; well you may find it difficult to meet or build your offline relationship due to the distance that is between you.
However we truly believe that these sites do work. As a matter of fact this is how I met my significant other and it is not uncommon for you to know someone who has used the internet to find someone. If you are thinking about getting online to meet someone; then visit our site below and access some of the most reputable sites that will provide you access to the world!
Find That Guy Or Girl Easily ...Get Online Today For Free!
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Joel_Gonzalez
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Dating Tips for Divorced and Widowed Moms
Dating is tough for just about everybody, but it’s even tougher for people who are divorced and widowed. Along with the fears of being “out of practice,” there are often children’s feelings to consider.
How can a single mother enjoy a new romance without lying awake at night worrying about doing emotional damage to her children? Personal Strengths and Life Coach Sue Tosto of Garfield, New Jersey provides the answers.
1. How soon after divorce or the death of a husband is it appropriate to start dating?
It depends on the individual, but anyone going through a divorce should wait at least six months to one year before even considering dating someone new. Emotions are running high, and a person needs time to heal before putting herself back on the market. Some newly divorced or widowed people jump into relationships too early because they’re afraid of being alone. That’s almost always a mistake.
The first year after a divorce is the time to re-group and focus on making new friendships. A woman can reflect on all the things she wanted to do when she was married but didn't. This is a rough time emotionally, but it helps to view it as a fresh start. It’s the perfect time to re-develop a sense of self and decide what one really wants in life. A woman can consider what she hopes for in a new relationship and let go of the past in the process.
Dating after the death of a husband or partner is also not recommended for at least one full year. Two years is even better. The grieving process should never be rushed, and the length of time it takes for the bereaved to move on varies according to the individual.
Other matters to consider before dating include waiting until estate matters have been handled, i.e., insurance matters, review of the will, and the assignment of an executor or executrix if necessary. The stress a new relationship can cause during this emotional time is not recommended.
As with divorce, this is a time to spend with friends. It also helps to join a support group of others who have lost a loved one.
2. How long should the mother wait before introducing a new boyfriend to her children?
She should know him at least six months to a year. Otherwise, if she decides after dating him for 4 months that the relationship is going nowhere, the children will inevitably feel another loss. No child should be put through that after going through divorce or death of a parent. Children need time to heal as well. If the new man doesn’t respect that, he’s probably not great boyfriend material.
The first three months of a relationship is the honeymoon period. Everything is fresh and exciting. After around six months, the couple tends to relax and good behavior wears off. A woman gets to see what she’s really dealing with. Before she introduces her new beau to her children, she needs to find out what his goals are, to see if his values and beliefs are consistent with hers, and really develop a friendship with him.
3. What is the best way to introduce a new boyfriend?
Once a woman decides to start dating, she should explain it to each of her children in an age-appropriate manner. After she and a new partner have spent six months to a year together, she can start telling the children things about him, particularly what she likes about him or little stories about places they’ve gone together. This way the children understand that Mom is still Mom, which is critical, but they’ll also see that she’s happier. They will slowly make the adjustment that they may soon share her with somebody else. Inevitably, the children will become curious about him. They may ask to meet him. I think it is wise to slowly incorporate the new partner into the family.
4. How should she handle it if the child resents the new relationship? Should she stop seeing the boyfriend?
Children will often resent a new relationship for the simple reason that they now have to share their mother with someone else. A woman can reassure her children that even though she is going out, she is coming back home to them. She should continue do the things with them she always did. Before she even starts dating, it might help to hire a babysitter and use the afternoon to go shopping, just to get the children accustomed to seeing her go out every once in a while.
Observing the children’s reactions while the new man is around should provide some clues to other causes of resentment. A woman should also gently ask her children why they don’t like her new partner. She should remember, though, that some children may not know exactly how to express why they dislike someone. It’s important to tread carefully. A new relationship is stressful for the whole family.
If the children are really having a hard time with it, family counseling can get to the root of the problem, especially if all other avenues have been exhausted. The most important thing a single parent can do is to treat her children the same way she did before she met the new partner.
5. Is it ever acceptable to allow the boyfriend to sleep over, or should the couple book a babysitter and get a room?
Get a room, unless the kids are at Dad's for the weekend. Children don't need to see some stranger coming out of Mom's room in the morning (or their Dad’s, either). A new relationship is exciting and the partners are certainly entitled to time alone, but a single parent must handle it delicately and deliberately. Her (or his) behavior will instruct the children about man/woman relationships in ways they will carry around with them for the rest of their lives.
Terry Hernon MacDonald writes frequently about relationships. Her mission is to help single women to stop settling for substandard Romeos and to marry men who are truly worthy of them. Please visit her website at http://www.marrysmart.com
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Terry_Hernon_MacDonald
How can a single mother enjoy a new romance without lying awake at night worrying about doing emotional damage to her children? Personal Strengths and Life Coach Sue Tosto of Garfield, New Jersey provides the answers.
1. How soon after divorce or the death of a husband is it appropriate to start dating?
It depends on the individual, but anyone going through a divorce should wait at least six months to one year before even considering dating someone new. Emotions are running high, and a person needs time to heal before putting herself back on the market. Some newly divorced or widowed people jump into relationships too early because they’re afraid of being alone. That’s almost always a mistake.
The first year after a divorce is the time to re-group and focus on making new friendships. A woman can reflect on all the things she wanted to do when she was married but didn't. This is a rough time emotionally, but it helps to view it as a fresh start. It’s the perfect time to re-develop a sense of self and decide what one really wants in life. A woman can consider what she hopes for in a new relationship and let go of the past in the process.
Dating after the death of a husband or partner is also not recommended for at least one full year. Two years is even better. The grieving process should never be rushed, and the length of time it takes for the bereaved to move on varies according to the individual.
Other matters to consider before dating include waiting until estate matters have been handled, i.e., insurance matters, review of the will, and the assignment of an executor or executrix if necessary. The stress a new relationship can cause during this emotional time is not recommended.
As with divorce, this is a time to spend with friends. It also helps to join a support group of others who have lost a loved one.
2. How long should the mother wait before introducing a new boyfriend to her children?
She should know him at least six months to a year. Otherwise, if she decides after dating him for 4 months that the relationship is going nowhere, the children will inevitably feel another loss. No child should be put through that after going through divorce or death of a parent. Children need time to heal as well. If the new man doesn’t respect that, he’s probably not great boyfriend material.
The first three months of a relationship is the honeymoon period. Everything is fresh and exciting. After around six months, the couple tends to relax and good behavior wears off. A woman gets to see what she’s really dealing with. Before she introduces her new beau to her children, she needs to find out what his goals are, to see if his values and beliefs are consistent with hers, and really develop a friendship with him.
3. What is the best way to introduce a new boyfriend?
Once a woman decides to start dating, she should explain it to each of her children in an age-appropriate manner. After she and a new partner have spent six months to a year together, she can start telling the children things about him, particularly what she likes about him or little stories about places they’ve gone together. This way the children understand that Mom is still Mom, which is critical, but they’ll also see that she’s happier. They will slowly make the adjustment that they may soon share her with somebody else. Inevitably, the children will become curious about him. They may ask to meet him. I think it is wise to slowly incorporate the new partner into the family.
4. How should she handle it if the child resents the new relationship? Should she stop seeing the boyfriend?
Children will often resent a new relationship for the simple reason that they now have to share their mother with someone else. A woman can reassure her children that even though she is going out, she is coming back home to them. She should continue do the things with them she always did. Before she even starts dating, it might help to hire a babysitter and use the afternoon to go shopping, just to get the children accustomed to seeing her go out every once in a while.
Observing the children’s reactions while the new man is around should provide some clues to other causes of resentment. A woman should also gently ask her children why they don’t like her new partner. She should remember, though, that some children may not know exactly how to express why they dislike someone. It’s important to tread carefully. A new relationship is stressful for the whole family.
If the children are really having a hard time with it, family counseling can get to the root of the problem, especially if all other avenues have been exhausted. The most important thing a single parent can do is to treat her children the same way she did before she met the new partner.
5. Is it ever acceptable to allow the boyfriend to sleep over, or should the couple book a babysitter and get a room?
Get a room, unless the kids are at Dad's for the weekend. Children don't need to see some stranger coming out of Mom's room in the morning (or their Dad’s, either). A new relationship is exciting and the partners are certainly entitled to time alone, but a single parent must handle it delicately and deliberately. Her (or his) behavior will instruct the children about man/woman relationships in ways they will carry around with them for the rest of their lives.
Terry Hernon MacDonald writes frequently about relationships. Her mission is to help single women to stop settling for substandard Romeos and to marry men who are truly worthy of them. Please visit her website at http://www.marrysmart.com
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Terry_Hernon_MacDonald
Finding a Safe Dating Site
Seems like everywhere we surf on the Internet nowadays we run across this little advertisement: 'Free online personals'.
They are everywhere, they are dating sites, and more are opening up shop every day.
Welcome to the newest internet gold rush.
More and more people are signing up to these new and "free" dating sites.
What they are really getting is a place on the web where they can post their profile and let strangers contact them.
As more and more dating sites pile up on the web, more people are ending up with very distasteful experiences because of this.
Why? 99% of today's (and tomorrow's) dating sites do not screen their members at all. This means there are sex offenders, predators, scam artists
mixed in with genuine people who are looking to find a match.
Dating services need to be very discretionary and much safer, until that time comes here are some important things to consider
when thinking about joining a dating site.
1). Examine the site's physical properties. Is it poorly constructed with missing graphics or jagged fonts, mis-aligned sections? If so, this indicates a lack of attention to detail in the construction and layout of the site. It may have been pre purchased and the owner does not have the skill to alter it correctly. Why would you care? Well, a site in a state like this gives a clue that the back end program probably is also in a state of disarray or disregard. If the webmaster cannot construct the face of the site, then it is likely they cannot also construct important safety features behind the site. A hacker then could easily penetrate it and get your personal information including your photo. If you eventually pay this site, your credit information could be stolen as well! A nicely designed site means careful construction and a better chance of good quality code running the site in the background.
2). Look at some sample profiles on the site before you sign up by running a quick search. Do the profiles look a little bogus? A lot of them are. Many sites (especially new ones that have just started up) pad their membership database with photos of models or random (usually good-looking people) to attract new members. Do the profiles have a lot of jibberish characters or nonsensical phrases in the descriptions? That means the dating site you are at does NOT screen the people who sign up. This welcomes people with ill-intent. You should get out of there immediately and go to one that does.
3). Does the site have a privacy link? Look at the bottom of the site's main page. If they have a privacy link, click it and examine. Make sure they specifically state that they do NOT sell your information to anyone. This is an invitation to a spam and junk-mail nightmare. Also look for some sort of a web site rules page or a terms of use page. Check to see if they screen their profiles or somehow >disallow racial, hate or overly sexual material. If they don't state this than, anything goes for this site, another reason to leave.
4). Does the site have a links page? If so click and examine. See who they are affiliated with. Usually, there will be graphical banners or icons next to the names of their associations. Are they sex-sites? Spam sites? Even a quick glance in this area could tell you what kind of a dating site you are at.
5). What is the copyright date at the bottom? This could indicate the age of the site. If it is very young, this could help you determine if the site has worked out all the kinks (program bugs) and how many members they have accumulated.
6). Be wary of statements like "You are the 4697th member to join today." and "Search through millions of profiles." these statements are usually false. Major sites, which have been running for YEARS usually can support these statements. look for a "whos online" link. If you are the only person (1 guest online means JUST you are there) then you know these claims are false. A site with millions or even thousands of members will always have a bunch of people currently online. If you detect this in a dating site, it is better to leave than to take a chance with a dishonest site. This is just a short list of ideas to help keep you safe when dating online. Be leary, be safe.
More information can be found at Personals 4 Dating
Leif Croonquist is the creator of Personals 4 Dating (http://www.personals4dating.com) An online dating and personals site with a focus on safety and privacy. We serve America, Canada, Australia and the UK. Free personals profile, photo rating and advice. Enjoy 1 full month premium access free when you sign up.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Leif_Croonquist
They are everywhere, they are dating sites, and more are opening up shop every day.
Welcome to the newest internet gold rush.
More and more people are signing up to these new and "free" dating sites.
What they are really getting is a place on the web where they can post their profile and let strangers contact them.
As more and more dating sites pile up on the web, more people are ending up with very distasteful experiences because of this.
Why? 99% of today's (and tomorrow's) dating sites do not screen their members at all. This means there are sex offenders, predators, scam artists
mixed in with genuine people who are looking to find a match.
Dating services need to be very discretionary and much safer, until that time comes here are some important things to consider
when thinking about joining a dating site.
1). Examine the site's physical properties. Is it poorly constructed with missing graphics or jagged fonts, mis-aligned sections? If so, this indicates a lack of attention to detail in the construction and layout of the site. It may have been pre purchased and the owner does not have the skill to alter it correctly. Why would you care? Well, a site in a state like this gives a clue that the back end program probably is also in a state of disarray or disregard. If the webmaster cannot construct the face of the site, then it is likely they cannot also construct important safety features behind the site. A hacker then could easily penetrate it and get your personal information including your photo. If you eventually pay this site, your credit information could be stolen as well! A nicely designed site means careful construction and a better chance of good quality code running the site in the background.
2). Look at some sample profiles on the site before you sign up by running a quick search. Do the profiles look a little bogus? A lot of them are. Many sites (especially new ones that have just started up) pad their membership database with photos of models or random (usually good-looking people) to attract new members. Do the profiles have a lot of jibberish characters or nonsensical phrases in the descriptions? That means the dating site you are at does NOT screen the people who sign up. This welcomes people with ill-intent. You should get out of there immediately and go to one that does.
3). Does the site have a privacy link? Look at the bottom of the site's main page. If they have a privacy link, click it and examine. Make sure they specifically state that they do NOT sell your information to anyone. This is an invitation to a spam and junk-mail nightmare. Also look for some sort of a web site rules page or a terms of use page. Check to see if they screen their profiles or somehow >disallow racial, hate or overly sexual material. If they don't state this than, anything goes for this site, another reason to leave.
4). Does the site have a links page? If so click and examine. See who they are affiliated with. Usually, there will be graphical banners or icons next to the names of their associations. Are they sex-sites? Spam sites? Even a quick glance in this area could tell you what kind of a dating site you are at.
5). What is the copyright date at the bottom? This could indicate the age of the site. If it is very young, this could help you determine if the site has worked out all the kinks (program bugs) and how many members they have accumulated.
6). Be wary of statements like "You are the 4697th member to join today." and "Search through millions of profiles." these statements are usually false. Major sites, which have been running for YEARS usually can support these statements. look for a "whos online" link. If you are the only person (1 guest online means JUST you are there) then you know these claims are false. A site with millions or even thousands of members will always have a bunch of people currently online. If you detect this in a dating site, it is better to leave than to take a chance with a dishonest site. This is just a short list of ideas to help keep you safe when dating online. Be leary, be safe.
More information can be found at Personals 4 Dating
Leif Croonquist is the creator of Personals 4 Dating (http://www.personals4dating.com) An online dating and personals site with a focus on safety and privacy. We serve America, Canada, Australia and the UK. Free personals profile, photo rating and advice. Enjoy 1 full month premium access free when you sign up.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Leif_Croonquist
Are We Dating or Married?
You’ve convinced me that I want to sign up for your newsletter. Now that I’m ready, what do I do? I go to the signup box on the current web page and complete the form. But wait... what are you asking for? If you’re asking for more than my name and email address, I will hesitate.
After all, if you’re going to send me an email newsletter, why do you even need my name, much less my street address, city, state, zip, telephone number, number of people in my household, etc. My email address should be enough. Now I’ll give you my name, because I understand that you’ll want to personalize my email messages. But unless you show me very good reasons, I’ll forget about signing up and go on to another site that doesn’t want a lot of information in exchange for their complimentary report or newsletter.
It’s like dating. When you first meet you get only the necessary information - name and phone number. As you agree to date, you’ll get the address. Later, as you get to know one another better, you’ll start to add more details.
Moving a visitor from lead to customer involves a courting process. You want them to get to know you. They need to learn to trust you. You need to establish a relationship. That’s the purpose of your newsletter. You offer them good information and in return they give you the right to market to them. As they become more interested and more loyal, they’ll move from just a lead to a steady prospect. Eventually you’ll "marry" some of your prospects and they’ll become customers.
So what’s your courting pattern? How do you get to know your prospects? When do you ask for more information -- more commitment?
For more information on the online sales process sign up forthe complimentary mini course athttp://www.SalesSiteQuickStart.com.
Dr. Jeanette Cates is The Technology Tamer and Internetstrategist for small business. She is the author of OnlineSuccess Tactics: 101 ways to build your small business athttp://www.OnlineSuccessTactics.com.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jeanette_S_Cates,_PhD
After all, if you’re going to send me an email newsletter, why do you even need my name, much less my street address, city, state, zip, telephone number, number of people in my household, etc. My email address should be enough. Now I’ll give you my name, because I understand that you’ll want to personalize my email messages. But unless you show me very good reasons, I’ll forget about signing up and go on to another site that doesn’t want a lot of information in exchange for their complimentary report or newsletter.
It’s like dating. When you first meet you get only the necessary information - name and phone number. As you agree to date, you’ll get the address. Later, as you get to know one another better, you’ll start to add more details.
Moving a visitor from lead to customer involves a courting process. You want them to get to know you. They need to learn to trust you. You need to establish a relationship. That’s the purpose of your newsletter. You offer them good information and in return they give you the right to market to them. As they become more interested and more loyal, they’ll move from just a lead to a steady prospect. Eventually you’ll "marry" some of your prospects and they’ll become customers.
So what’s your courting pattern? How do you get to know your prospects? When do you ask for more information -- more commitment?
For more information on the online sales process sign up forthe complimentary mini course athttp://www.SalesSiteQuickStart.com.
Dr. Jeanette Cates is The Technology Tamer and Internetstrategist for small business. She is the author of OnlineSuccess Tactics: 101 ways to build your small business athttp://www.OnlineSuccessTactics.com.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jeanette_S_Cates,_PhD
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Ten Great Holiday Dates For Singles
Dating during the holiday season can be a special treat. Of course, in order to fully experience this you may need to re-order some priorities and make time for yourself and your own personal needs. Don’t give into the temptation to put your social life on hold until after the New Year. Manage those work projects and family demands in a way that leaves you open to try some of the romantic and fun-filled activities that are available at this time of year.
The following 10 date ideas should help put you in the mood and may even inspire you to come up with a few on your own.
1.Have a “progressive” dinner together. Go to one place for your appetizer, another (romantic and intimate) place for your dinner; and then have dessert and coffee (nightcap), in a quiet spot with a beautiful view of holiday lights or other holiday views. Even better, go by limo, so you have all your time to focus on each other and don’t have to worry about all the driving.
2. Take a holiday tour of historic homes in your area. Many areas of the country have these. Often they are done in the evening by candlelight. Afterwards, you can go for a walk and view the surrounding neighborhood lights and decorations. Finish with coffee in a quiet bistro.
3. Get dressed up and attend a holiday concert or play. You can spend a lot or very little on this kind of date, depending where you go for the entertainment. A nice little before or after meal fills out the evening.
4. Go and get hot chocolate with your date; then go look at Christmas lights or displays available in your area. Many places have dazzling displays that light up the night.
5. Go ice skating together. Find a nice place, not too crowded. This brings out the playful side and encourages a lot of interaction with each other. Hold hands, show off, race- be kids again!
6. Attend a religious service together. This could be accomplished by going to a place of worship that one (or both) of you belong to; or you could go to a non-denominational service. An evening service, followed by a supper in an intimate restaurant could fill you with a sense of well-being and peacefulness.
7. Throw a small holiday get-together with a few other couples (or friends). Plan an activity such as trimming the tree or lighting the menorah. Be sure to serve festive food and drink. A bonus would be to have a secret Santa gift exchange. This would be where each person brings a gift ($10.00 or less). Everyone picks a number. Person with number one begins with first selection. Go through all the numbers and open each gift in front of the group. Exchanging is fine and provides some extra fun. Lots of laughs and very interactive.
8. Choose your or his/her place, stay home, rent old holiday classics, light the fire and cook a simple but festive meal together. Play holiday music while you cook. Then watch (a few if you like) holiday favorites together. Or, you can bake Christmas cookies or other holiday treats together while listening to music and enjoying the fire.
9. Work at a soup kitchen one day (meal) together. Sharing the experience of giving is a wonderful way to get to know someone and deepen a relationship. It is also a great way to get into the true holiday spirit. After the clean up, go for a walk followed by coffee or a nightcap.
10. Go to a planetarium (if one is nearby). Enjoy the spectacular winter sky together. There is usually a guided “show” that you can experience as you sit closely, (perhaps hand in hand?). Try to pick out constellations together as you walk back to your car. It is always nice to have an intimate meal afterwards.
See if you can add some ideas of your own to this list. Then put aside several evenings over the next few weeks and awaken those feelings of peace, joy and goodwill for others.
Happy Holidays!
Toni Coleman, MSW is a licensed psychotherapist, relationship coach and founder of http://www.consum-mate.com. As a recognized expert, Toni has been quoted in many local and national publications including: The Chicago Tribune, The Orlando Sentinel, New York Daily News, Indianapolis Star and Newsweek newspapers and Family Circle, Woman's Day, Cosmo Style, Tango, Men’s Health, Star (regularly quoted body language expert), and Nirvana magazines. She has been featured on abcnews.com; discovery.health.com; aolnews.com; MSN.com, Match.com and planetearthradio.com. Toni offers dating help and relationship advice as the weekly love and dating coach on the KTRS Radio Morning Show (St. Louis, MO) and through her syndicated column, “Dear Dating Coach.” Her newsletter, The Art Of Intimacy, helps over fifty-five hundred subscribers with its dating and relationship advice. Toni is a member of The International Coach Federation, The International Association Of Coaches and The National Association of Social Workers
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Toni_Coleman
The following 10 date ideas should help put you in the mood and may even inspire you to come up with a few on your own.
1.Have a “progressive” dinner together. Go to one place for your appetizer, another (romantic and intimate) place for your dinner; and then have dessert and coffee (nightcap), in a quiet spot with a beautiful view of holiday lights or other holiday views. Even better, go by limo, so you have all your time to focus on each other and don’t have to worry about all the driving.
2. Take a holiday tour of historic homes in your area. Many areas of the country have these. Often they are done in the evening by candlelight. Afterwards, you can go for a walk and view the surrounding neighborhood lights and decorations. Finish with coffee in a quiet bistro.
3. Get dressed up and attend a holiday concert or play. You can spend a lot or very little on this kind of date, depending where you go for the entertainment. A nice little before or after meal fills out the evening.
4. Go and get hot chocolate with your date; then go look at Christmas lights or displays available in your area. Many places have dazzling displays that light up the night.
5. Go ice skating together. Find a nice place, not too crowded. This brings out the playful side and encourages a lot of interaction with each other. Hold hands, show off, race- be kids again!
6. Attend a religious service together. This could be accomplished by going to a place of worship that one (or both) of you belong to; or you could go to a non-denominational service. An evening service, followed by a supper in an intimate restaurant could fill you with a sense of well-being and peacefulness.
7. Throw a small holiday get-together with a few other couples (or friends). Plan an activity such as trimming the tree or lighting the menorah. Be sure to serve festive food and drink. A bonus would be to have a secret Santa gift exchange. This would be where each person brings a gift ($10.00 or less). Everyone picks a number. Person with number one begins with first selection. Go through all the numbers and open each gift in front of the group. Exchanging is fine and provides some extra fun. Lots of laughs and very interactive.
8. Choose your or his/her place, stay home, rent old holiday classics, light the fire and cook a simple but festive meal together. Play holiday music while you cook. Then watch (a few if you like) holiday favorites together. Or, you can bake Christmas cookies or other holiday treats together while listening to music and enjoying the fire.
9. Work at a soup kitchen one day (meal) together. Sharing the experience of giving is a wonderful way to get to know someone and deepen a relationship. It is also a great way to get into the true holiday spirit. After the clean up, go for a walk followed by coffee or a nightcap.
10. Go to a planetarium (if one is nearby). Enjoy the spectacular winter sky together. There is usually a guided “show” that you can experience as you sit closely, (perhaps hand in hand?). Try to pick out constellations together as you walk back to your car. It is always nice to have an intimate meal afterwards.
See if you can add some ideas of your own to this list. Then put aside several evenings over the next few weeks and awaken those feelings of peace, joy and goodwill for others.
Happy Holidays!
Toni Coleman, MSW is a licensed psychotherapist, relationship coach and founder of http://www.consum-mate.com. As a recognized expert, Toni has been quoted in many local and national publications including: The Chicago Tribune, The Orlando Sentinel, New York Daily News, Indianapolis Star and Newsweek newspapers and Family Circle, Woman's Day, Cosmo Style, Tango, Men’s Health, Star (regularly quoted body language expert), and Nirvana magazines. She has been featured on abcnews.com; discovery.health.com; aolnews.com; MSN.com, Match.com and planetearthradio.com. Toni offers dating help and relationship advice as the weekly love and dating coach on the KTRS Radio Morning Show (St. Louis, MO) and through her syndicated column, “Dear Dating Coach.” Her newsletter, The Art Of Intimacy, helps over fifty-five hundred subscribers with its dating and relationship advice. Toni is a member of The International Coach Federation, The International Association Of Coaches and The National Association of Social Workers
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Toni_Coleman
There Is Life After Divorce
A married woman becomes a single woman for one of two reasons: death or divorce. The former is an honourable state, the latter is not.
When a woman loses her husband to death the neighbours all rally round and provide meals and any help they can give with regard to household repairs or cleaning or anything that is needed. They are willing to provide comfort and a shoulder to cry on. They are available for the widow and they include her in their activities, feeling sorry for her that she is now so alone.
However, things are quite different when a marriage ends due to infidelity or marital breakdown. That immediately plunges a woman into a new category. She is transformed, instantaneously it seems,from a married woman to a divorcee. Becoming one of many, part of a group of used and discarded women, seen as suspect by all those who are still safely ensconced in the womb of their marriage.
People tend to withdraw from her. Invitations to get togethers cease. It appears that women think their husbands might be attracted to the idea of an “available woman” and so the women who used to be friends withdraw and leave her alone with her tears and her fears. There are no meals prepared and no offers of help. Husbands are kept at home just in case, for such is the image portrayed of a divorcee. The husbands might not be safe. She might cause the destruction of other marriages.
We read jokes all the time about the lonely divorcee who invites the mailman, the milkman, or the Maytag repairman into her home with the intent of seducing him. (A joke made up, I am sure, by a man who has never known the humiliation and pain of being a divorcee.) Perhaps she even seduces them one right after the other, for such is the life of the “gay divorcee”, isn’t it? Freed from the bonds of marriage, with unmet needs and desires, divorcees are wanting to fill the void; or at least that is the popular image. And so in place of invitations to parties or neighbourhood barbeques which were formerly were issued to the couple and their family, there is an empty mailbox, and the phone stays quiet. She checks it every now and then to make sure it is still working.
The divorcee begins to feel as though she no longer exists; as if, because she is no longer half of a relationship, she ceases to be a part of the neighbourhood. Women who used to call her friend no longer call. Her children are not invited to play with the neighbours’ children. Perhaps the women feel they would be contaminated by the disease of divorce, as if it were a virus that could be caught, or maybe they just don’t know how to talk to a newly divorced woman. A divorced man, on the other hand, is often seen as more eligible and is a welcome addition to many parties. His social life may increase, and because he usually does not have the children, his disposable income is often enough to keep him comfortably.
However, life goes on. The bills still have to be paid, the kids still have to be fed and they have to be clothed. Family chores that were done by two are now done by one. If the children are old enough, they can chip in and help with the household duties such as dishes and meal preparation and housecleaning. Because of the reduction in income, the divorcee is often forced to seek employment and then she has two jobs; one inside and one outside the home.
Sometimes the inside life doesn’t change much. For those who had husbands who simply went to work and came home at night expecting to be waited on, their workload is reduced by one person, so this can be a blessing. But the availability of a backup when she is really tired and the kids are really obnoxious is a problem. She has to deal with all the problems, tired or not.
Because she has been ostracized by her neighbours she seeks out other divorcees for companionship, often building relationships and forming deep bonds that last for years as they share the day to day problems and achievements. They get together with their kids and pool their resources for family dinners. They support each other in job searches, in the handling of problems, in the fights with their exes. They listen to each other and care for each other’s children.
Sometimes, because of the great reduction in income, divorcees are forced to apply for an allowance from the provincial government. This is known as welfare or Mother’s Allowance. There they are told that they have no right to have a phone or a car, or any of the things they consider necessities but the government considers luxuries, such as a heating bill over the allotted amount. Widows, on the other hand, usually receive a pension from their husband’s estate which they can spend however they want, with no rules. The divorcees are told to sell the car and get rid of the phone, even if they are out in the country. If they have a house, they might have to give it up and move the children to a new area. Sometimes, in order to survive, they may use credit cards to buy the things they feel they need for their kids for school and other activities. They may not be able to send their kids on school trips or buy the clothes that the kids need to fit in and so their kids may be ridiculed because of the way they dress. When the kids come home crying, they often feel guilty and wonder if they couldn’t have worked things out better with their ex-husbands. They cry but try to hide the tears from their children, not wanting to upset them.
When the divorcee ventures into the realms of the full-time employee instead of part-time, she must find a babysitter for her kids, arrange everyone’s schedule and settle into her new lifestyle. She tries to find a boss who is willing to let her attend the various special events at her children’s school and cries silently to herself when she is unable to attend a day graduation due to work, or when she is unable to see her children receive sports awards, but she knows that she is doing the best she can. She attends what she can in the evenings and on weekends and hopes it is enough.
As the divorcee settles into life on her own, she may begin to find advantages such as being able to go where she wants, when she wants and with whom she wants. She has only to consider herself, and her kids, if she has any. Eventually the heartaches will ease a little and the divorcee will reach out to others a little more, perhaps even being willing to take the risk of dating another man.
Her circumstances may not have changed a lot. She still struggles to pay bills, to provide for her kids, yet she finds her life is full. Not the rumoured life of the gay divorcee, replete with men or with parties and wild living, but one of love for her kids, and perhaps of studying for a degree while working in a fulfilling career where helping others. She has weathered the storms of life and feels that she has come out on top. Her children move on to their own homes and to employment. Perhaps her eldest has his dream job, that of webmaster and service technician. Another may become the youngest Inventory Control Manager and the only female one in Eastern Ontario for a large soft drink company. Another, with a child of her own, may work part-time and plan to return to school to take an Esthetics course. Her children could be very involved in hockey, perhaps playing at the AA level or Junior A level which requires a lot of travelling and sacrifice of personal time. But to her it is all worth it to watch her child score the winning goal and to see the smile on his face as he turns from the net. Her heart swells with pride as his teammates congratulate him and the parents lean over to say how well he played.
Yes, life continues after divorce, the pain and heartache suffered in the beginning eventually fade somewhat and the divorcee finds the strength to survive and, more than that, to move on to whatever the future has in store.
For more poetry and stories you can go to Fran's webpage http://www.franwatson.ca
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Fran_Watson
When a woman loses her husband to death the neighbours all rally round and provide meals and any help they can give with regard to household repairs or cleaning or anything that is needed. They are willing to provide comfort and a shoulder to cry on. They are available for the widow and they include her in their activities, feeling sorry for her that she is now so alone.
However, things are quite different when a marriage ends due to infidelity or marital breakdown. That immediately plunges a woman into a new category. She is transformed, instantaneously it seems,from a married woman to a divorcee. Becoming one of many, part of a group of used and discarded women, seen as suspect by all those who are still safely ensconced in the womb of their marriage.
People tend to withdraw from her. Invitations to get togethers cease. It appears that women think their husbands might be attracted to the idea of an “available woman” and so the women who used to be friends withdraw and leave her alone with her tears and her fears. There are no meals prepared and no offers of help. Husbands are kept at home just in case, for such is the image portrayed of a divorcee. The husbands might not be safe. She might cause the destruction of other marriages.
We read jokes all the time about the lonely divorcee who invites the mailman, the milkman, or the Maytag repairman into her home with the intent of seducing him. (A joke made up, I am sure, by a man who has never known the humiliation and pain of being a divorcee.) Perhaps she even seduces them one right after the other, for such is the life of the “gay divorcee”, isn’t it? Freed from the bonds of marriage, with unmet needs and desires, divorcees are wanting to fill the void; or at least that is the popular image. And so in place of invitations to parties or neighbourhood barbeques which were formerly were issued to the couple and their family, there is an empty mailbox, and the phone stays quiet. She checks it every now and then to make sure it is still working.
The divorcee begins to feel as though she no longer exists; as if, because she is no longer half of a relationship, she ceases to be a part of the neighbourhood. Women who used to call her friend no longer call. Her children are not invited to play with the neighbours’ children. Perhaps the women feel they would be contaminated by the disease of divorce, as if it were a virus that could be caught, or maybe they just don’t know how to talk to a newly divorced woman. A divorced man, on the other hand, is often seen as more eligible and is a welcome addition to many parties. His social life may increase, and because he usually does not have the children, his disposable income is often enough to keep him comfortably.
However, life goes on. The bills still have to be paid, the kids still have to be fed and they have to be clothed. Family chores that were done by two are now done by one. If the children are old enough, they can chip in and help with the household duties such as dishes and meal preparation and housecleaning. Because of the reduction in income, the divorcee is often forced to seek employment and then she has two jobs; one inside and one outside the home.
Sometimes the inside life doesn’t change much. For those who had husbands who simply went to work and came home at night expecting to be waited on, their workload is reduced by one person, so this can be a blessing. But the availability of a backup when she is really tired and the kids are really obnoxious is a problem. She has to deal with all the problems, tired or not.
Because she has been ostracized by her neighbours she seeks out other divorcees for companionship, often building relationships and forming deep bonds that last for years as they share the day to day problems and achievements. They get together with their kids and pool their resources for family dinners. They support each other in job searches, in the handling of problems, in the fights with their exes. They listen to each other and care for each other’s children.
Sometimes, because of the great reduction in income, divorcees are forced to apply for an allowance from the provincial government. This is known as welfare or Mother’s Allowance. There they are told that they have no right to have a phone or a car, or any of the things they consider necessities but the government considers luxuries, such as a heating bill over the allotted amount. Widows, on the other hand, usually receive a pension from their husband’s estate which they can spend however they want, with no rules. The divorcees are told to sell the car and get rid of the phone, even if they are out in the country. If they have a house, they might have to give it up and move the children to a new area. Sometimes, in order to survive, they may use credit cards to buy the things they feel they need for their kids for school and other activities. They may not be able to send their kids on school trips or buy the clothes that the kids need to fit in and so their kids may be ridiculed because of the way they dress. When the kids come home crying, they often feel guilty and wonder if they couldn’t have worked things out better with their ex-husbands. They cry but try to hide the tears from their children, not wanting to upset them.
When the divorcee ventures into the realms of the full-time employee instead of part-time, she must find a babysitter for her kids, arrange everyone’s schedule and settle into her new lifestyle. She tries to find a boss who is willing to let her attend the various special events at her children’s school and cries silently to herself when she is unable to attend a day graduation due to work, or when she is unable to see her children receive sports awards, but she knows that she is doing the best she can. She attends what she can in the evenings and on weekends and hopes it is enough.
As the divorcee settles into life on her own, she may begin to find advantages such as being able to go where she wants, when she wants and with whom she wants. She has only to consider herself, and her kids, if she has any. Eventually the heartaches will ease a little and the divorcee will reach out to others a little more, perhaps even being willing to take the risk of dating another man.
Her circumstances may not have changed a lot. She still struggles to pay bills, to provide for her kids, yet she finds her life is full. Not the rumoured life of the gay divorcee, replete with men or with parties and wild living, but one of love for her kids, and perhaps of studying for a degree while working in a fulfilling career where helping others. She has weathered the storms of life and feels that she has come out on top. Her children move on to their own homes and to employment. Perhaps her eldest has his dream job, that of webmaster and service technician. Another may become the youngest Inventory Control Manager and the only female one in Eastern Ontario for a large soft drink company. Another, with a child of her own, may work part-time and plan to return to school to take an Esthetics course. Her children could be very involved in hockey, perhaps playing at the AA level or Junior A level which requires a lot of travelling and sacrifice of personal time. But to her it is all worth it to watch her child score the winning goal and to see the smile on his face as he turns from the net. Her heart swells with pride as his teammates congratulate him and the parents lean over to say how well he played.
Yes, life continues after divorce, the pain and heartache suffered in the beginning eventually fade somewhat and the divorcee finds the strength to survive and, more than that, to move on to whatever the future has in store.
For more poetry and stories you can go to Fran's webpage http://www.franwatson.ca
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Fran_Watson
Going Solo on Valentine's Day: Advice For Singles
The stores are decorated in candy hearts, flowers and bears. Every TV or radio commercial reminds you that it’s time to remember your sweetheart on this special day for lovers. Your feelings range from sadness, to revulsion to anger. What’s a single person to do? The following suggestions are designed to both answer that question and to help you have a good day after all, while working to make it your last solo one.
Celebrate the day by planning an activity that is meaningful and enjoyable to you.
Choose something that provides you with a special treat.
* Go to a day spa for “the works”
* plan an intimate dinner for 3 or 4
* go ice-skating or to the movies with a fun friend
* go out to dinner and a movie with a group of other singles
* Focus on what you enjoy and make a conscious decision about how to mark the day
* Un-Valentines Day parties are very popular and can be a lot of silly fun. You can attend one or throw one of your own.
Design a relationship-building plan.
Let the holiday provide you with the motivation to take risks, try new ideas and gain the knowledge that will enable you to find and create a lasting, intimate relationship.
* Sit down at the computer or with pen and paper in hand and get your plan written down.
* Begin by making a list of resources that can be used to help you meet available singles. These can include: on-line dating sites, singles groups, volunteer activities, or participation in sports or other activities that you enjoy.
*Decide when and how often you will participate in any activity you have chosen.
*Make a budget for both time and available funds for this purpose.
*Do your homework and research each resource so the information will be available when you need it.
Review those resolutions you made, or make some if you haven’t yet.
Think about what is really important to you. Remind yourself that implementing and sticking to these will help ensure that you are really ready for that special relationship. Being the kind of person you want to be with is the first step.
Begin with concrete goals. For example:
*stick with a healthy diet
* exercise three times a week
* plan one organizational task per week, etc.
Taking care of yourself and living well will optimize your chances for relationship success. Start today.
Work to eliminate negative thinking.
When a negative thought comes into your mind, take a moment to think about what is beneath it. Then, tell yourself that thinking this way is not good for you. Make a decision to drop the thought and try to think of something (anything) that is positive. It can be as simple as focusing on what a beautiful day it is outside, to feeling grateful that you survived the current wave of lay-offs in your company.
Use this technique for situations as well. Ask yourself how you can view the situation differently. Try to find one positive angle or outcome that could result from an otherwise bad situation. For example, you are being laid off from your job. You have been unhappy for a long time, but could not motivate yourself to do anything about it. Now, you have the motivation to look for a new job, or perhaps change careers. Think of all the possibilities that could open up for you.
Negative thinking is a downward spiral that leads to negative behavior and possibly depression. Consciously choose to challenge these thoughts, and empower yourself with a more positive outlook and approach to life.
Hopefully these tips will assist you in having a better “solo” Valentine’s Day than you might have been headed for. Enjoy the day by doing something fun. Then focus on your relationship plan and empower yourself to build the healthy, lasting relationship of your dreams.
Toni Coleman, MSW is a licensed psychotherapist, relationship coach and founder of http://www.consum-mate.com. As a recognized expert, Toni has been quoted in many local and national publications including: The Chicago Tribune, The Orlando Sentinel, New York Daily News, Indianapolis Star and Newsweek newspapers and Family Circle, Woman's Day, Cosmo Style, Tango, Men’s Health, Star (regularly quoted body language expert), and Nirvana magazines. She has been featured on abcnews.com; discovery.health.com; aolnews.com; MSN.com, Match.com and planetearthradio.com. Toni offers dating help and relationship advice as the weekly love and dating coach on the KTRS Radio Morning Show (St. Louis, MO) and through her syndicated column, “Dear Dating Coach.” Her newsletter, The Art Of Intimacy, helps over fifty-five hundred subscribers with its dating and relationship advice. Toni is a member of The International Coach Federation, The International Association Of Coaches and The National Association of Social Workers
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Toni_Coleman
Celebrate the day by planning an activity that is meaningful and enjoyable to you.
Choose something that provides you with a special treat.
* Go to a day spa for “the works”
* plan an intimate dinner for 3 or 4
* go ice-skating or to the movies with a fun friend
* go out to dinner and a movie with a group of other singles
* Focus on what you enjoy and make a conscious decision about how to mark the day
* Un-Valentines Day parties are very popular and can be a lot of silly fun. You can attend one or throw one of your own.
Design a relationship-building plan.
Let the holiday provide you with the motivation to take risks, try new ideas and gain the knowledge that will enable you to find and create a lasting, intimate relationship.
* Sit down at the computer or with pen and paper in hand and get your plan written down.
* Begin by making a list of resources that can be used to help you meet available singles. These can include: on-line dating sites, singles groups, volunteer activities, or participation in sports or other activities that you enjoy.
*Decide when and how often you will participate in any activity you have chosen.
*Make a budget for both time and available funds for this purpose.
*Do your homework and research each resource so the information will be available when you need it.
Review those resolutions you made, or make some if you haven’t yet.
Think about what is really important to you. Remind yourself that implementing and sticking to these will help ensure that you are really ready for that special relationship. Being the kind of person you want to be with is the first step.
Begin with concrete goals. For example:
*stick with a healthy diet
* exercise three times a week
* plan one organizational task per week, etc.
Taking care of yourself and living well will optimize your chances for relationship success. Start today.
Work to eliminate negative thinking.
When a negative thought comes into your mind, take a moment to think about what is beneath it. Then, tell yourself that thinking this way is not good for you. Make a decision to drop the thought and try to think of something (anything) that is positive. It can be as simple as focusing on what a beautiful day it is outside, to feeling grateful that you survived the current wave of lay-offs in your company.
Use this technique for situations as well. Ask yourself how you can view the situation differently. Try to find one positive angle or outcome that could result from an otherwise bad situation. For example, you are being laid off from your job. You have been unhappy for a long time, but could not motivate yourself to do anything about it. Now, you have the motivation to look for a new job, or perhaps change careers. Think of all the possibilities that could open up for you.
Negative thinking is a downward spiral that leads to negative behavior and possibly depression. Consciously choose to challenge these thoughts, and empower yourself with a more positive outlook and approach to life.
Hopefully these tips will assist you in having a better “solo” Valentine’s Day than you might have been headed for. Enjoy the day by doing something fun. Then focus on your relationship plan and empower yourself to build the healthy, lasting relationship of your dreams.
Toni Coleman, MSW is a licensed psychotherapist, relationship coach and founder of http://www.consum-mate.com. As a recognized expert, Toni has been quoted in many local and national publications including: The Chicago Tribune, The Orlando Sentinel, New York Daily News, Indianapolis Star and Newsweek newspapers and Family Circle, Woman's Day, Cosmo Style, Tango, Men’s Health, Star (regularly quoted body language expert), and Nirvana magazines. She has been featured on abcnews.com; discovery.health.com; aolnews.com; MSN.com, Match.com and planetearthradio.com. Toni offers dating help and relationship advice as the weekly love and dating coach on the KTRS Radio Morning Show (St. Louis, MO) and through her syndicated column, “Dear Dating Coach.” Her newsletter, The Art Of Intimacy, helps over fifty-five hundred subscribers with its dating and relationship advice. Toni is a member of The International Coach Federation, The International Association Of Coaches and The National Association of Social Workers
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Toni_Coleman
What Went Wrong? When Relationships Go From Hot To Cold
Everything was great.
We had been dating for 6 months. We shared the same interests, felt very at ease together, had (often) discussed future plans and had even spent some of the holidays together. Our relationship seemed right on track and just right in general.
Then, without warning, he said he "needs some time to think and figure things out." He stopped calling and rarely returned my calls. When he did, I was often met with silence on the other end of the line. When I asked "what happened", I just got a verbal run around of excuses about how busy he is and/or how much stress he is under right now.
What happened? What did I do? I don't know what to think.
Does the above scenario sound at all familiar? If so, you can relate to being confused and stunned over the sudden change in a boyfriend's/girlfriend's behavior.
Now think about this - What if your relationship wasn't what you thought it was? What if unspoken issues had existed all along? What if there were signs you chose to ignore or just didn't see? Are any of these possible?
Probably.
This sudden change in a couple's relationship is reported quite a bit by individuals who have just broken up with a significant other. Unfortunately, it leaves the person who has been "dumped" with feelings of low self-esteem, regret, inadequacy and anger.
There is often no real closure, as the couple is never able (willing) to talk through what went wrong or was never right with their relationship.
So, how can you know what the problem was and hope to avoid a repeat of this hurtful experience? You can do this by examining your failed relationship and gaining insight and understanding about what just wasn't right between you.
In order to assist you with this; I am providing a basic framework of the relationship stages a couple must pass through TOGETHER in order to get to a place of shared intimacy and commitment. If either person's feelings change before, during or after one of these stages; it is not necessarily the "fault" of the other individual. It is simply a statement about the individuals' rightness (or not) for each other. It is also a reflection of each individual’s relationship readiness and ability to handle long-term, committed intimacy.
How an individual handles their changing feelings and resultant behavior toward the other is a subject for another article.
Relationships have stages. We have all read articles and books by authors who have come up with their own unique number or names for these. I will try to take a very basic approach to this and keep it simple and as universal as possible.
Attraction
This is the first stage. It is physical, intellectual and emotional - on a very surface level. Girl sees boy and vice versa. They flirt, talk and get a very basic sense of the other. They are usually responding to a physical pull. He/she is cute, funny, charming, interesting to talk to, etc.
Without attraction, first dates wouldn't happen. It can therefore be assumed that the other person finds us attractive if we have gotten to a first date.
In a way, this is the easy one. We are unknowns to each other. Things progress from this point or they do not. Hurt feelings are minimal. We usually chalk up rejection to; "I'm not his type". There is no need to analyze or wonder what went wrong.
If both people feel a strong enough level of attraction continues to exist after a few dates, they usually move along to stage two. However, if one finds the other has unattractive characteristics or behaviors, this can lead to an abrupt change in the relationship.
Remember, these behaviors or characteristics would be ones that would manifest in the very early stage of dating. Some examples: frequently late, never offers to pay, dresses or grooms sloppily, rude to waitress, etc.
Romantic Relating
In this second stage, couples begin to test out the idea of themselves as a unit. Dating is no longer brand new. It is more comfortable and predictable. Sharing romantic dinners and exciting special interests are typical dates during this new and fun time in a growing relationship.
During this stage, flowers are given for no special reason and loving cards are slipped back and forth with words like "thinking of you". It's a happy carefree time, when lovers tend to idealize, romanticize and overlook that which can be right in front of them. The relationship seems effortless and spontaneous. Affection is shared openly and frequently. One's partner seems perfect. There is rarely conflict during this period. The partners often share the unrealistic belief that their relationship is so special and unique that it will always stay this way.
This stage can last from three or four months up to more than a year. It is actually the shortest stage that any long-term relationship goes through. It is also the one we wish we could hold on to forever and long for when it is gone. This is the stage that love poems speak about. It is also believed (falsely) by many that this is what long-term committed love will always be like.
Many relationships begin to stumble at the end of this period. For that is when reality begins to set in. As partners begin to experience some disagreement, conflict and/or shared challenges- the relationship shifts as do the dynamics between the partners.
Though many relationships move past this stage, a number do not. Why? There are many reasons. These can include:
* lack of readiness for the challenges of the next stage
* issues with commitment and fidelity
* immature beliefs about what relationships should be
* being stuck on an idealized, romanticized notion of love
If one of the partners is not ready for a less than perfect and more demanding stage of love, they will exhibit this in their behavior, language and overall level of openness and availability towards the other.
This is when the couple begins to think more seriously of a future with each other. The focus tends to be; how well do we get along, do we share similar interests and do I want to date this person exclusively?
Growth Through Negotiation
This is a very challenging and growing time in all relationship building. Reality comes into play as the couple settles into the comfort and predictability of their togetherness. Little issues can become blown-up into large conflicts. The individuals begin to compete for their share of control and their place in this growing union. Differences can become highlighted instead of minimized.
This is often the period when couples experience their first fight. Hurt feelings can occur as that once loving and completely accepting other person airs a criticism or voices annoyance or concern. Often, the individuals believe it is the other person who needs to change.
This is where the need for (or lack of) communication, problem-solving and negotiating skills becomes apparent. For without an adequate measure of these, disagreements can break down into screaming matches where insults and recriminations are fired like missiles.
If the individuals can listen, be supportive of each other's feelings, compromise and not lay blame, they have a good chance of working through this stage and achieving a true intimacy. This does not mean they will share all the same beliefs and opinions or that they will necessarily even like the other's view. However, having and showing respect is a cornerstone of a healthy relationship.
Not only will relationships fail without these relationship-building strengths, they can also abruptly end if one of the partners decides that they don't feel the same way about this person in their less than idealized state. The reality may not be to their liking or just something they are not ready for in general. Either way, they will pull back, present differently or disappear without warning. How they handle their changing feelings is further information about their level of relationship readiness and maturity in general.
Intimacy
Intimacy is the reward that is gained when a couple has successfully worked through the difficult last stage of negotiation. It is almost like a new coming together with much greater self (and other) awareness. This new information can work to solidify the union or give one of both individuals enough new information about the other to require a reassessment of their desire to remain together.
Each person looks at the other in their (naked) state and asks; "is this the person I want to be with"? Here their individual differences are highlighted. The early romantic haze has cleared. What they have to offer to each other and to a future life together comes into play.
This is a time when couples often begin to contemplate each other's attributes in a more practical way. They look at the other's strengths and weaknesses. They evaluate each other's potential as a future spouse, parent, provider, caregiver, partner, etc.
Relationships can be tested more during this time. Infidelity is one dysfunctional way that some individuals do this. Often, this leads to the end of the relationship.
When differences can be seen, aired and accepted, the couple has a good chance of moving on together from this place. Essentially, they have decided they want to be with the other, warts and all.
When the behavior of one or both partners change, it is generally because they have made a conscious or unconscious decision regarding the wrongness of the other for them or for the type of relationship they seek.
Commitment
This is the final stage of relationship building. Once individuals have reached this place, they are ready to cement their bond. While much growth and work will lay ahead in a future life together, they are ready to begin this life soon.
New challenges arise during each stage, and will happen here as well. However, if the couple has successfully worked through the previous stages, they should have many of the tools they need.
The external problems and pressures that come with life will test their resolve and commitment over the years. They may need to reassess, re-negotiate and renew their feelings and commitment. Fortunately, they will be in possession of the basic tools required.
If they choose well to begin with, they should be successful.
As you evaluate your failed relationship, note the stage you were in when the change occurred. Chances are that the necessary level of readiness and maturity was not present in one or both of you. Perhaps one of you decided that this is not the kind of partner or relationship I am seeking.
This new information and insight should help you to choose a future partner who is better suited to you and desirous of the same kind of relationship that you are.
Toni Coleman, MSW is a licensed psychotherapist, relationship coach and founder of http://www.consum-mate.com. As a recognized expert, Toni has been quoted in many local and national publications including: The Chicago Tribune, The Orlando Sentinel, New York Daily News, Indianapolis Star and Newsweek newspapers and Family Circle, Woman's Day, Cosmo Style, Tango, Men’s Health, Star (regularly quoted body language expert), and Nirvana magazines. She has been featured on abcnews.com; discovery.health.com; aolnews.com; MSN.com, Match.com and planetearthradio.com. Toni offers dating help and relationship advice as the weekly love and dating coach on the KTRS Radio Morning Show (St. Louis, MO) and through her syndicated column, “Dear Dating Coach.” Her newsletter, The Art Of Intimacy, helps over fifty-five hundred subscribers with its dating and relationship advice. Toni is a member of The International Coach Federation, The International Association Of Coaches and The National Association of Social Workers
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Toni_Coleman
We had been dating for 6 months. We shared the same interests, felt very at ease together, had (often) discussed future plans and had even spent some of the holidays together. Our relationship seemed right on track and just right in general.
Then, without warning, he said he "needs some time to think and figure things out." He stopped calling and rarely returned my calls. When he did, I was often met with silence on the other end of the line. When I asked "what happened", I just got a verbal run around of excuses about how busy he is and/or how much stress he is under right now.
What happened? What did I do? I don't know what to think.
Does the above scenario sound at all familiar? If so, you can relate to being confused and stunned over the sudden change in a boyfriend's/girlfriend's behavior.
Now think about this - What if your relationship wasn't what you thought it was? What if unspoken issues had existed all along? What if there were signs you chose to ignore or just didn't see? Are any of these possible?
Probably.
This sudden change in a couple's relationship is reported quite a bit by individuals who have just broken up with a significant other. Unfortunately, it leaves the person who has been "dumped" with feelings of low self-esteem, regret, inadequacy and anger.
There is often no real closure, as the couple is never able (willing) to talk through what went wrong or was never right with their relationship.
So, how can you know what the problem was and hope to avoid a repeat of this hurtful experience? You can do this by examining your failed relationship and gaining insight and understanding about what just wasn't right between you.
In order to assist you with this; I am providing a basic framework of the relationship stages a couple must pass through TOGETHER in order to get to a place of shared intimacy and commitment. If either person's feelings change before, during or after one of these stages; it is not necessarily the "fault" of the other individual. It is simply a statement about the individuals' rightness (or not) for each other. It is also a reflection of each individual’s relationship readiness and ability to handle long-term, committed intimacy.
How an individual handles their changing feelings and resultant behavior toward the other is a subject for another article.
Relationships have stages. We have all read articles and books by authors who have come up with their own unique number or names for these. I will try to take a very basic approach to this and keep it simple and as universal as possible.
Attraction
This is the first stage. It is physical, intellectual and emotional - on a very surface level. Girl sees boy and vice versa. They flirt, talk and get a very basic sense of the other. They are usually responding to a physical pull. He/she is cute, funny, charming, interesting to talk to, etc.
Without attraction, first dates wouldn't happen. It can therefore be assumed that the other person finds us attractive if we have gotten to a first date.
In a way, this is the easy one. We are unknowns to each other. Things progress from this point or they do not. Hurt feelings are minimal. We usually chalk up rejection to; "I'm not his type". There is no need to analyze or wonder what went wrong.
If both people feel a strong enough level of attraction continues to exist after a few dates, they usually move along to stage two. However, if one finds the other has unattractive characteristics or behaviors, this can lead to an abrupt change in the relationship.
Remember, these behaviors or characteristics would be ones that would manifest in the very early stage of dating. Some examples: frequently late, never offers to pay, dresses or grooms sloppily, rude to waitress, etc.
Romantic Relating
In this second stage, couples begin to test out the idea of themselves as a unit. Dating is no longer brand new. It is more comfortable and predictable. Sharing romantic dinners and exciting special interests are typical dates during this new and fun time in a growing relationship.
During this stage, flowers are given for no special reason and loving cards are slipped back and forth with words like "thinking of you". It's a happy carefree time, when lovers tend to idealize, romanticize and overlook that which can be right in front of them. The relationship seems effortless and spontaneous. Affection is shared openly and frequently. One's partner seems perfect. There is rarely conflict during this period. The partners often share the unrealistic belief that their relationship is so special and unique that it will always stay this way.
This stage can last from three or four months up to more than a year. It is actually the shortest stage that any long-term relationship goes through. It is also the one we wish we could hold on to forever and long for when it is gone. This is the stage that love poems speak about. It is also believed (falsely) by many that this is what long-term committed love will always be like.
Many relationships begin to stumble at the end of this period. For that is when reality begins to set in. As partners begin to experience some disagreement, conflict and/or shared challenges- the relationship shifts as do the dynamics between the partners.
Though many relationships move past this stage, a number do not. Why? There are many reasons. These can include:
* lack of readiness for the challenges of the next stage
* issues with commitment and fidelity
* immature beliefs about what relationships should be
* being stuck on an idealized, romanticized notion of love
If one of the partners is not ready for a less than perfect and more demanding stage of love, they will exhibit this in their behavior, language and overall level of openness and availability towards the other.
This is when the couple begins to think more seriously of a future with each other. The focus tends to be; how well do we get along, do we share similar interests and do I want to date this person exclusively?
Growth Through Negotiation
This is a very challenging and growing time in all relationship building. Reality comes into play as the couple settles into the comfort and predictability of their togetherness. Little issues can become blown-up into large conflicts. The individuals begin to compete for their share of control and their place in this growing union. Differences can become highlighted instead of minimized.
This is often the period when couples experience their first fight. Hurt feelings can occur as that once loving and completely accepting other person airs a criticism or voices annoyance or concern. Often, the individuals believe it is the other person who needs to change.
This is where the need for (or lack of) communication, problem-solving and negotiating skills becomes apparent. For without an adequate measure of these, disagreements can break down into screaming matches where insults and recriminations are fired like missiles.
If the individuals can listen, be supportive of each other's feelings, compromise and not lay blame, they have a good chance of working through this stage and achieving a true intimacy. This does not mean they will share all the same beliefs and opinions or that they will necessarily even like the other's view. However, having and showing respect is a cornerstone of a healthy relationship.
Not only will relationships fail without these relationship-building strengths, they can also abruptly end if one of the partners decides that they don't feel the same way about this person in their less than idealized state. The reality may not be to their liking or just something they are not ready for in general. Either way, they will pull back, present differently or disappear without warning. How they handle their changing feelings is further information about their level of relationship readiness and maturity in general.
Intimacy
Intimacy is the reward that is gained when a couple has successfully worked through the difficult last stage of negotiation. It is almost like a new coming together with much greater self (and other) awareness. This new information can work to solidify the union or give one of both individuals enough new information about the other to require a reassessment of their desire to remain together.
Each person looks at the other in their (naked) state and asks; "is this the person I want to be with"? Here their individual differences are highlighted. The early romantic haze has cleared. What they have to offer to each other and to a future life together comes into play.
This is a time when couples often begin to contemplate each other's attributes in a more practical way. They look at the other's strengths and weaknesses. They evaluate each other's potential as a future spouse, parent, provider, caregiver, partner, etc.
Relationships can be tested more during this time. Infidelity is one dysfunctional way that some individuals do this. Often, this leads to the end of the relationship.
When differences can be seen, aired and accepted, the couple has a good chance of moving on together from this place. Essentially, they have decided they want to be with the other, warts and all.
When the behavior of one or both partners change, it is generally because they have made a conscious or unconscious decision regarding the wrongness of the other for them or for the type of relationship they seek.
Commitment
This is the final stage of relationship building. Once individuals have reached this place, they are ready to cement their bond. While much growth and work will lay ahead in a future life together, they are ready to begin this life soon.
New challenges arise during each stage, and will happen here as well. However, if the couple has successfully worked through the previous stages, they should have many of the tools they need.
The external problems and pressures that come with life will test their resolve and commitment over the years. They may need to reassess, re-negotiate and renew their feelings and commitment. Fortunately, they will be in possession of the basic tools required.
If they choose well to begin with, they should be successful.
As you evaluate your failed relationship, note the stage you were in when the change occurred. Chances are that the necessary level of readiness and maturity was not present in one or both of you. Perhaps one of you decided that this is not the kind of partner or relationship I am seeking.
This new information and insight should help you to choose a future partner who is better suited to you and desirous of the same kind of relationship that you are.
Toni Coleman, MSW is a licensed psychotherapist, relationship coach and founder of http://www.consum-mate.com. As a recognized expert, Toni has been quoted in many local and national publications including: The Chicago Tribune, The Orlando Sentinel, New York Daily News, Indianapolis Star and Newsweek newspapers and Family Circle, Woman's Day, Cosmo Style, Tango, Men’s Health, Star (regularly quoted body language expert), and Nirvana magazines. She has been featured on abcnews.com; discovery.health.com; aolnews.com; MSN.com, Match.com and planetearthradio.com. Toni offers dating help and relationship advice as the weekly love and dating coach on the KTRS Radio Morning Show (St. Louis, MO) and through her syndicated column, “Dear Dating Coach.” Her newsletter, The Art Of Intimacy, helps over fifty-five hundred subscribers with its dating and relationship advice. Toni is a member of The International Coach Federation, The International Association Of Coaches and The National Association of Social Workers
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Toni_Coleman
Hooking Up vs. Lasting Love: It's Your Choice
"hooking Up" - "friends with benefits" - "booty call"
These terms have become all too familiar in today's dating world. Are they words that you can relate to? Have you lived them in some way? If so, how have you felt about the experience(s) both during and after? Chances are that you have mixed feelings at best. Depending on your age and sex, you may give a somewhat different response to this question. Whatever your answer, a close look at this "dating experience" that impacts so many singles in so many ways may be useful to you as you think about what your long-term relationship goals are and what you REALLY want from a relationship.
So what exactly do these terms mean?
"Hooking up" is getting together for sex. There is generally no formal "date" involved.
"Friends with benefits" usually refers to two people who are "friends" who also have sex together. Again, there's a distinction between what they share and "dating".
"Booty call" usually describes the act of a man (woman) calling up another person to come over for sex. The sex doesn't follow dinner, a movie or other "quality" time together, getting to really know each other. It's physical.
Do you define this activity (even loosely) as dating? Has this become a new intimacy for some or many of you? If so, it's important to look at how/if it meets your needs and if it aligns with your basic values and relationship wants and goals.
Begin by asking yourself some core questions, such as:
Am I comfortable with intimacy?
Am I comfortable with a purely physical relationship?
Am I able to be physically involved with someone while remaining emotionally detached?
How do I feel about myself when I engage in this behavior?
Am I doing this to please someone or win his or her affection?
Is monogamy and marriage my goal?
If your answers reflect discordance between how you feel and what you do; it would be helpful to understand the reasons behind your behavior. Do any of these sound familiar?
"It's convenient"
"It's easy"
"It's safe"
"It requires no commitment on my part"
In addition to these explanations, some singles express a belief that "everyone does it" or "it's expected". Therefore, they often report engaging in it, but not feeling really ok or satisfied afterwards. Others use it as a substitute for real intimacy, referencing their difficulties in meeting and dating in general.
Then there are the people who have sex hoping it will lead to love. This too is a desire for intimacy that can lead to sadness and disappointment and the possibility of contacting a dangerous and life-altering infection. It reminds me of the line in a song, "if I can love you good enough on the outside to make you feel it on the inside, then maybe you will stay..."
If you recognize yourself in any of these statements and want to address your issue, begin with an inventory of your values and self-awareness. Read the articles: "Defining Intimacy", "Clarifying And Living Your Values", and "How's Your Self-Awareness".
You can find these on: http://www.consum-mate.com/articles.htm
If you would find feedback that deals specifically with these issues helpful, take the "What's Your Intimacy IQ" and "Are You Relationship Ready" quizzes. These can be found on: http://www.consum-mate.com/quiz.htm
Once you have determined what you really want from a relationship you can begin to make clear, thought out choices that will open the path that points in the direction you wish to go. Until you do so, you face the possibility of more disappointing and short-lived encounters that leave you feeling more alone and less hopeful about the possibility for lasting happy love.
Toni Coleman, MSW is a licensed psychotherapist, relationship coach and founder of http://www.consum-mate.com. As a recognized expert, Toni has been quoted in many local and national publications including: The Chicago Tribune, The Orlando Sentinel, New York Daily News, Indianapolis Star and Newsweek newspapers and Family Circle, Woman's Day, Cosmo Style, Tango, Men’s Health, Star (regularly quoted body language expert), and Nirvana magazines. She has been featured on abcnews.com; discovery.health.com; aolnews.com; MSN.com, Match.com and planetearthradio.com. Toni offers dating help and relationship advice as the weekly love and dating coach on the KTRS Radio Morning Show (St. Louis, MO) and through her syndicated column, “Dear Dating Coach.” Her newsletter, The Art Of Intimacy, helps over fifty-five hundred subscribers with its dating and relationship advice. Toni is a member of The International Coach Federation, The International Association Of Coaches and The National Association of Social Workers
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Toni_Coleman
These terms have become all too familiar in today's dating world. Are they words that you can relate to? Have you lived them in some way? If so, how have you felt about the experience(s) both during and after? Chances are that you have mixed feelings at best. Depending on your age and sex, you may give a somewhat different response to this question. Whatever your answer, a close look at this "dating experience" that impacts so many singles in so many ways may be useful to you as you think about what your long-term relationship goals are and what you REALLY want from a relationship.
So what exactly do these terms mean?
"Hooking up" is getting together for sex. There is generally no formal "date" involved.
"Friends with benefits" usually refers to two people who are "friends" who also have sex together. Again, there's a distinction between what they share and "dating".
"Booty call" usually describes the act of a man (woman) calling up another person to come over for sex. The sex doesn't follow dinner, a movie or other "quality" time together, getting to really know each other. It's physical.
Do you define this activity (even loosely) as dating? Has this become a new intimacy for some or many of you? If so, it's important to look at how/if it meets your needs and if it aligns with your basic values and relationship wants and goals.
Begin by asking yourself some core questions, such as:
Am I comfortable with intimacy?
Am I comfortable with a purely physical relationship?
Am I able to be physically involved with someone while remaining emotionally detached?
How do I feel about myself when I engage in this behavior?
Am I doing this to please someone or win his or her affection?
Is monogamy and marriage my goal?
If your answers reflect discordance between how you feel and what you do; it would be helpful to understand the reasons behind your behavior. Do any of these sound familiar?
"It's convenient"
"It's easy"
"It's safe"
"It requires no commitment on my part"
In addition to these explanations, some singles express a belief that "everyone does it" or "it's expected". Therefore, they often report engaging in it, but not feeling really ok or satisfied afterwards. Others use it as a substitute for real intimacy, referencing their difficulties in meeting and dating in general.
Then there are the people who have sex hoping it will lead to love. This too is a desire for intimacy that can lead to sadness and disappointment and the possibility of contacting a dangerous and life-altering infection. It reminds me of the line in a song, "if I can love you good enough on the outside to make you feel it on the inside, then maybe you will stay..."
If you recognize yourself in any of these statements and want to address your issue, begin with an inventory of your values and self-awareness. Read the articles: "Defining Intimacy", "Clarifying And Living Your Values", and "How's Your Self-Awareness".
You can find these on: http://www.consum-mate.com/articles.htm
If you would find feedback that deals specifically with these issues helpful, take the "What's Your Intimacy IQ" and "Are You Relationship Ready" quizzes. These can be found on: http://www.consum-mate.com/quiz.htm
Once you have determined what you really want from a relationship you can begin to make clear, thought out choices that will open the path that points in the direction you wish to go. Until you do so, you face the possibility of more disappointing and short-lived encounters that leave you feeling more alone and less hopeful about the possibility for lasting happy love.
Toni Coleman, MSW is a licensed psychotherapist, relationship coach and founder of http://www.consum-mate.com. As a recognized expert, Toni has been quoted in many local and national publications including: The Chicago Tribune, The Orlando Sentinel, New York Daily News, Indianapolis Star and Newsweek newspapers and Family Circle, Woman's Day, Cosmo Style, Tango, Men’s Health, Star (regularly quoted body language expert), and Nirvana magazines. She has been featured on abcnews.com; discovery.health.com; aolnews.com; MSN.com, Match.com and planetearthradio.com. Toni offers dating help and relationship advice as the weekly love and dating coach on the KTRS Radio Morning Show (St. Louis, MO) and through her syndicated column, “Dear Dating Coach.” Her newsletter, The Art Of Intimacy, helps over fifty-five hundred subscribers with its dating and relationship advice. Toni is a member of The International Coach Federation, The International Association Of Coaches and The National Association of Social Workers
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Toni_Coleman
Tips For Becoming Fluent In The Non-Verbal Language Of Dating
We are all too familiar with the term "body language". There have been books, workshops and endless discussions spawned by it.
But do you really KNOW how to interpret the non-verbal messages that other people broadcast on a continual basis in their interactions with you? There are two levels of communication that occur in any interaction:
content
process
Content refers to what we SAY. Process refers to EVERYTHING ELSE that occurs.
Interactions can be wrought with mixed signals- saying one thing and non-verbally communicating another.
No wonder so many singles report confusion regarding what their date was really thinking or feeling. On the surface, understanding this language can seem very difficult, if not impossible. Not so, if you learn to speak the non-verbal language of process.
The following tips will be presented using examples of naturally (and commonly) reported dating scenarios experienced by singles.
1. Good eye contact/ poor eye contact
When you are sitting and talking with your date, do you notice how they look at you, when you or they are speaking? When their eye contact is good, this is a sign that they feel comfortable and interested in you. They are really involved in the interaction and want to be there. It also communicates honesty and sincerity. Conversely, when your date has difficulty making eye contact, this communicates discomfort; lack of interest or it could be extreme shyness. The last would be easy to know if they are a shy person in general.
2. Restlessness
Have you ever experienced the restless date? You know the one. He moves around in his chair, she looks at her watch, and his mind seems somewhere else. He may or may not offer an explanation. What appears to be going on is that her mind IS somewhere else. This behavior communicates a lack of interest or a preoccupation with someone or somewhere else.
3. Looking around at others a lot and not at you Have you ever had the unpleasant experience of being out with someone who watches the crowd the whole time? Perhaps, they just glance furtively (and frequently) around the room? This, of course, signals lack of interest, possible discomfort and a desire to avoid interaction with you. It can also be a general sign of someone who is not trustworthy, or at the very least, hasn't been completely honest/ candid with you.
4. Is noticeably quiet Oh, how deafening is silence. It can speak volumes. If your date has little to say to you what does this mean? Maybe they are just not very interested in you. Perhaps they don't think you would care to hear what they have to say. Maybe they think you wouldn't appreciate hearing what they are really thinking. Perhaps they are in an off or sour mood. Only you can interpret this. Be careful not to quickly write it off to something you want it to be, as opposed to what it really is.
5. Stiffening or closed-in body posture
You know what YOU do in uncomfortable situations. You fold your arms tightly across your chest. You stiffen your spine You tightly cross your legs. You turn your body at an angle away from the person you are facing You lean away from the person you are with
Of course, the reverse is true when the interaction feels good. You lean forward Your arms are relaxed or laying open to the person You face the other person directly Your posture is relaxed and at ease
It's fairly easy to interpret the closed-in posture. The other person feels uncomfortable They aren't open to the interaction with you They would rather not be there
If this is a first date, it will probably be the last.
6. Physical Contact
Perhaps the easiest communication to read correctly is that of touch. If your date avoids taking your hand or putting his arm around you he may be uncomfortable or unsure. He may also be shy, but you would already know that.
If someone you have been dating for a while begins to exhibit changes in their level of eye contact, body posture, attention to you, availability and/or becomes restless or less communicative, pay attention. Their feelings have shifted. Be careful not to be too quick to explain it away. More than one occurrence should set off your silent alarm. Make sure that what they say matches what they don't say.
Other (non-verbal) expressions that you should listen to that can suddenly occur during the course of a dating relationship are: Calling less or not calling Change in voice tone Becoming busy and not having time to get together Lateness Missing dates without calling or having a plausible excuse Moodiness- irritation/impatience/anger outbursts
If your date or boyfriend/girlfriend sends you any of the above (negative) signals, the best way to handle it is to comment in a direct (and gentle) way about it. Then watch for what he/she DOES while you listen to their response. This will give you all the information you need.
Toni Coleman, MSW is a licensed psychotherapist, relationship coach and founder of http://www.consum-mate.com. As a recognized expert, Toni has been quoted in many local and national publications including: The Chicago Tribune, The Orlando Sentinel, New York Daily News, Indianapolis Star and Newsweek newspapers and Family Circle, Woman's Day, Cosmo Style, Tango, Men’s Health, Star (regularly quoted body language expert), and Nirvana magazines. She has been featured on abcnews.com; discovery.health.com; aolnews.com; MSN.com, Match.com and planetearthradio.com. Toni offers dating help and relationship advice as the weekly love and dating coach on the KTRS Radio Morning Show (St. Louis, MO) and through her syndicated column, “Dear Dating Coach.” Her newsletter, The Art Of Intimacy, helps over fifty-five hundred subscribers with its dating and relationship advice. Toni is a member of The International Coach Federation, The International Association Of Coaches and The National Association of Social Workers
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Toni_Coleman
But do you really KNOW how to interpret the non-verbal messages that other people broadcast on a continual basis in their interactions with you? There are two levels of communication that occur in any interaction:
content
process
Content refers to what we SAY. Process refers to EVERYTHING ELSE that occurs.
Interactions can be wrought with mixed signals- saying one thing and non-verbally communicating another.
No wonder so many singles report confusion regarding what their date was really thinking or feeling. On the surface, understanding this language can seem very difficult, if not impossible. Not so, if you learn to speak the non-verbal language of process.
The following tips will be presented using examples of naturally (and commonly) reported dating scenarios experienced by singles.
1. Good eye contact/ poor eye contact
When you are sitting and talking with your date, do you notice how they look at you, when you or they are speaking? When their eye contact is good, this is a sign that they feel comfortable and interested in you. They are really involved in the interaction and want to be there. It also communicates honesty and sincerity. Conversely, when your date has difficulty making eye contact, this communicates discomfort; lack of interest or it could be extreme shyness. The last would be easy to know if they are a shy person in general.
2. Restlessness
Have you ever experienced the restless date? You know the one. He moves around in his chair, she looks at her watch, and his mind seems somewhere else. He may or may not offer an explanation. What appears to be going on is that her mind IS somewhere else. This behavior communicates a lack of interest or a preoccupation with someone or somewhere else.
3. Looking around at others a lot and not at you Have you ever had the unpleasant experience of being out with someone who watches the crowd the whole time? Perhaps, they just glance furtively (and frequently) around the room? This, of course, signals lack of interest, possible discomfort and a desire to avoid interaction with you. It can also be a general sign of someone who is not trustworthy, or at the very least, hasn't been completely honest/ candid with you.
4. Is noticeably quiet Oh, how deafening is silence. It can speak volumes. If your date has little to say to you what does this mean? Maybe they are just not very interested in you. Perhaps they don't think you would care to hear what they have to say. Maybe they think you wouldn't appreciate hearing what they are really thinking. Perhaps they are in an off or sour mood. Only you can interpret this. Be careful not to quickly write it off to something you want it to be, as opposed to what it really is.
5. Stiffening or closed-in body posture
You know what YOU do in uncomfortable situations. You fold your arms tightly across your chest. You stiffen your spine You tightly cross your legs. You turn your body at an angle away from the person you are facing You lean away from the person you are with
Of course, the reverse is true when the interaction feels good. You lean forward Your arms are relaxed or laying open to the person You face the other person directly Your posture is relaxed and at ease
It's fairly easy to interpret the closed-in posture. The other person feels uncomfortable They aren't open to the interaction with you They would rather not be there
If this is a first date, it will probably be the last.
6. Physical Contact
Perhaps the easiest communication to read correctly is that of touch. If your date avoids taking your hand or putting his arm around you he may be uncomfortable or unsure. He may also be shy, but you would already know that.
If someone you have been dating for a while begins to exhibit changes in their level of eye contact, body posture, attention to you, availability and/or becomes restless or less communicative, pay attention. Their feelings have shifted. Be careful not to be too quick to explain it away. More than one occurrence should set off your silent alarm. Make sure that what they say matches what they don't say.
Other (non-verbal) expressions that you should listen to that can suddenly occur during the course of a dating relationship are: Calling less or not calling Change in voice tone Becoming busy and not having time to get together Lateness Missing dates without calling or having a plausible excuse Moodiness- irritation/impatience/anger outbursts
If your date or boyfriend/girlfriend sends you any of the above (negative) signals, the best way to handle it is to comment in a direct (and gentle) way about it. Then watch for what he/she DOES while you listen to their response. This will give you all the information you need.
Toni Coleman, MSW is a licensed psychotherapist, relationship coach and founder of http://www.consum-mate.com. As a recognized expert, Toni has been quoted in many local and national publications including: The Chicago Tribune, The Orlando Sentinel, New York Daily News, Indianapolis Star and Newsweek newspapers and Family Circle, Woman's Day, Cosmo Style, Tango, Men’s Health, Star (regularly quoted body language expert), and Nirvana magazines. She has been featured on abcnews.com; discovery.health.com; aolnews.com; MSN.com, Match.com and planetearthradio.com. Toni offers dating help and relationship advice as the weekly love and dating coach on the KTRS Radio Morning Show (St. Louis, MO) and through her syndicated column, “Dear Dating Coach.” Her newsletter, The Art Of Intimacy, helps over fifty-five hundred subscribers with its dating and relationship advice. Toni is a member of The International Coach Federation, The International Association Of Coaches and The National Association of Social Workers
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Toni_Coleman
Dating Tips for the Shy Woman
Dating can be an absolute nightmare for shy people. You want to meet the right person, but you’re too scared to do anything about it.
Introductions—sticking out one’s hand and looking another person in the eye—can be terrifying. The brain locks up as you scramble to think of something relevant to say. You fall apart as soon as you’re asked what you do for a living. You stammer. The heat rises in your face and under your arms. You’re suddenly incapable of forming a grammatical sentence. You think to yourself, “Why would anyone care about me? I’m really not that interesting!”
Fear not. Many shy people have succeeded in meeting new people and forming lasting, happy relationships. With a little practice, you can too. Here are some tips for taming your social terror.
1. Prepare a pitch. The question, “So, Sally, what do you do for a living?” is bound to come up, so have a ready answer. No need to brag about capturing the company Tidy Break room Award; just state clearly what you do for a living and don’t apologize for it!
2. Ask questions. People love to talk about themselves (okay, except for people like you), so ask questions. Come up with a list before you leave the house, i.e., How did you get into that line of work? Where did you go to school? Have you seen the new Brad Pitt movie? And so on.
3. When you fumble, turn the subject to the other person. Whenever you find yourself longing to throw a blanket over your head and crawl off, try saying something like “And what about you?”
4. Listen to what the other person is saying! This is important. Instead of fretting about what you’ll say next, still the wheels of your mind and listen. If a man tells you about his weekend on the golf course, and you know absolutely nothing about golf, just ask him what he likes about it, how he got into it, etc.
5. Smile. People respond well to people who smile. No need to grin like an idiot, but a disarming smile will get ‘em every time. Smiling conveys friendliness and approachability. Show teeth whenever possible. Avoid looking like a figure at a wax museum by practicing in a mirror before you leave the house.
6. Breathe. Whenever you feel your heart racing, breathe deeply and slowly. If you really start to feel uncomfortable (your face has become so hot you could use it for a wok), excuse yourself and go to the restroom.
7. Compliment the other person. Sincerity is key, so find something you like and mention it. You may be freaked out by the idea of complimenting a man on his soulful eyes, so mention his watch, suit, tie, or even his shoes. No need to go overboard: “Nice shoes,” will do it.
8. Stay on top of current events. You don’t necessarily want to bring up your stand on Bush v. Kerry during a first meeting, but be able to discuss less controversial issues intelligently.
9. Remember the weather! Some people have the “gift of gab,” the ability to make strangers feel like they’ve known them forever. They are fearless about talking about the weather, gas prices, whatever. Shy people worry that talking about mundane things will make them appear stupid. But seemingly dull subjects like the weather affect everybody. People relate to them.
10. Hold your head up. It’s the simplest, most effective way to look confident. Good posture, coupled with that fabulous smile of yours, gives you a “winner’s vibe.” You’re guaranteed to be a hit!
Be warned: These tips will not help you if you don’t leave the house. It’s just too easy to watch a Friends rerun for the umpteenth time instead of meeting people, but I promise you that Prince Charming is never going to climb through your bedroom window.
Talking to strangers can be uncomfortable, but with practice it will surely get easier. If you have a bad night, congratulate yourself for making the effort. When you have a good night, understand that you earned it. Know that countless wonderful nights are on their way to you.
Terry Hernon MacDonald is the author of "How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams (Even if You're Not Rich, Thin, or Beautiful). Please visit her website at http://www.marrysmart.com
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Terry_Hernon_MacDonald
Introductions—sticking out one’s hand and looking another person in the eye—can be terrifying. The brain locks up as you scramble to think of something relevant to say. You fall apart as soon as you’re asked what you do for a living. You stammer. The heat rises in your face and under your arms. You’re suddenly incapable of forming a grammatical sentence. You think to yourself, “Why would anyone care about me? I’m really not that interesting!”
Fear not. Many shy people have succeeded in meeting new people and forming lasting, happy relationships. With a little practice, you can too. Here are some tips for taming your social terror.
1. Prepare a pitch. The question, “So, Sally, what do you do for a living?” is bound to come up, so have a ready answer. No need to brag about capturing the company Tidy Break room Award; just state clearly what you do for a living and don’t apologize for it!
2. Ask questions. People love to talk about themselves (okay, except for people like you), so ask questions. Come up with a list before you leave the house, i.e., How did you get into that line of work? Where did you go to school? Have you seen the new Brad Pitt movie? And so on.
3. When you fumble, turn the subject to the other person. Whenever you find yourself longing to throw a blanket over your head and crawl off, try saying something like “And what about you?”
4. Listen to what the other person is saying! This is important. Instead of fretting about what you’ll say next, still the wheels of your mind and listen. If a man tells you about his weekend on the golf course, and you know absolutely nothing about golf, just ask him what he likes about it, how he got into it, etc.
5. Smile. People respond well to people who smile. No need to grin like an idiot, but a disarming smile will get ‘em every time. Smiling conveys friendliness and approachability. Show teeth whenever possible. Avoid looking like a figure at a wax museum by practicing in a mirror before you leave the house.
6. Breathe. Whenever you feel your heart racing, breathe deeply and slowly. If you really start to feel uncomfortable (your face has become so hot you could use it for a wok), excuse yourself and go to the restroom.
7. Compliment the other person. Sincerity is key, so find something you like and mention it. You may be freaked out by the idea of complimenting a man on his soulful eyes, so mention his watch, suit, tie, or even his shoes. No need to go overboard: “Nice shoes,” will do it.
8. Stay on top of current events. You don’t necessarily want to bring up your stand on Bush v. Kerry during a first meeting, but be able to discuss less controversial issues intelligently.
9. Remember the weather! Some people have the “gift of gab,” the ability to make strangers feel like they’ve known them forever. They are fearless about talking about the weather, gas prices, whatever. Shy people worry that talking about mundane things will make them appear stupid. But seemingly dull subjects like the weather affect everybody. People relate to them.
10. Hold your head up. It’s the simplest, most effective way to look confident. Good posture, coupled with that fabulous smile of yours, gives you a “winner’s vibe.” You’re guaranteed to be a hit!
Be warned: These tips will not help you if you don’t leave the house. It’s just too easy to watch a Friends rerun for the umpteenth time instead of meeting people, but I promise you that Prince Charming is never going to climb through your bedroom window.
Talking to strangers can be uncomfortable, but with practice it will surely get easier. If you have a bad night, congratulate yourself for making the effort. When you have a good night, understand that you earned it. Know that countless wonderful nights are on their way to you.
Terry Hernon MacDonald is the author of "How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams (Even if You're Not Rich, Thin, or Beautiful). Please visit her website at http://www.marrysmart.com
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Terry_Hernon_MacDonald
Sunday, March 22, 2009
True Love And Chemistry: Exploring Myth And Reality
When you think about the qualities found in a true "soul mate" relationship, what one word comes up most often on the top of your list?
Is it CHEMISTRY? Probably.
Just the mention of this term conjures up powerful feelings and images for anyone who has ever been in or seeking a love relationship. It is often described as a feeling that leaves you breathless, excited and weak in the knees. Palms sweat, the heart races and the body tingles with nervous anticipation.
It is believed by virtually everyone that true love cannot exist without chemistry. Therefore, the conclusion most would-be lovers come to is that if they experience these intense feelings towards someone, they have the basis for an ideal and lasting relationship.
Right? Maybe not. For this definition of chemistry is limited to one's physical response to another person. It lacks an entire dimension that resides in our values, beliefs, personalities and worldview
In order to know you have the right connection with a potential (or existing) partner, it's important to have a basic knowledge of what real chemistry consists of, instead of embracing only the myths that surround it. This can be difficult to do. This intense, physical passion is the stuff that Oscar winning movies and best-selling books are made of. So, take a step back for a minute and see if you recognize yourself in the following.
Sarah is a thirty something, very attractive and successful, professional female. She has been in a relationship for over a year with a man who is unfaithful, disrespectful and incapable (unwilling) to make any commitment to her. Yet, when he makes late night "booty calls", forgets her birthday, or stands her up repeatedly - she remains available and willing, in spite of her general unhappiness and upset over their "relationship". Why? "I think I have mistaken great sex for love. I feel this intense chemistry and physical intimacy when we are having sex, even though he offers me nothing else. Over time, it has left me unhappy and feeling badly about myself."
John is an attractive, intelligent, 30 something male who owns his own successful business. He's dating a woman that he thinks he is in love with. He has knowledge that she has been out with other men. She cancels dates and is often critical and emotionally distant. She refuses to discuss commitment or taking the relationship to the next level. Yet, she turns to John for emotional, physical and financial help whenever she feels she needs it. Why does John continue to see her? "She's beautiful and the sex is great. We have such strong physical chemistry. It's almost like an addiction for me. My friends can't stand her and even I know she's not really a "keeper", but it's hard to walk away.
These vignettes are great examples of how physical chemistry can be mistaken for the real thing. The attraction on one level is strong, yet these are not relationships that have the right elements to grow into happy and satisfying partnerships.
So, what is missing?
Kahlil Gibran defines it as "spiritual affinity". It's the hidden element of chemistry. It's when two beings meet and connect on a deeper level. It can only be felt in the heart and soul. It's about friendship, respect, humor and the feelings of warmth and contentment that come when you are in his/her presence.
People often report finding one without the other. This is understandably a cause of great frustration and confusion about whom should we choose and why. In order to understand this better, it is helpful to know how and when each facet of chemistry occurs.
Physical attraction (or lust) generally begins during our first contact with someone. It can DEVELOP into something more over time, yet some pull is there from the beginning. The chemical that results from this attraction (and intensifies it) is phenyl ethylamine - or PEA. It is a naturally occurring substance in the brain. Essentially, it is a natural amphetamine. It stimulates us and increases both physical and emotional energy. The attraction causes us to produce more PEA, which results in those dizzying feelings associated with romantic love. Another substance that is released by PEA is dopamine. This chemical increases a desire to be physically close and intimately connected.
When these chemicals are being secreted in larger doses, they send signals from the brain to the other organs of the body. If you wonder why you or someone is attracted to the "wrong" person, it may be because you are high on the physical response to these substances, which overwhelm your ability to use your head and exercise "good judgment and common sense".
"Spiritual affinity" develops over time and repeated contact. When these feelings begin to emerge, the brain produces endorphins. These are more like morphine and result in an increased sense of calm that reduces anxiety and helps to build attachment. As relationships move into this phase they are characterized by more comfort, commitment and friendship.
Generally speaking, all "soul mate relationships" require at least some measure of each of these. The important thing to remember is that they come in stages, which is not to say that the physical attraction passes as one moves into a deeper connection. However, it changes. We cannot sustain those intense emotions as we travel down the road to commitment and a shared life. However, in healthy relationships those moments of intensity can and do occur for brief intervals at intermittent times.
Remember not to confuse great sex or deep friendship with romantic love. Instead, look for a measure of both of these in your feelings for another. For then you have the ingredients that lasting love is made from.
Toni Coleman, MSW is a licensed psychotherapist, relationship coach and founder of http://www.consum-mate.com. As a recognized expert, Toni has been quoted in many local and national publications including: The Chicago Tribune, The Orlando Sentinel, New York Daily News, Indianapolis Star and Newsweek newspapers and Family Circle, Woman's Day, Cosmo Style, Tango, Men’s Health, Star (regularly quoted body language expert), and Nirvana magazines. She has been featured on abcnews.com; discovery.health.com; aolnews.com; MSN.com, Match.com and planetearthradio.com. Toni offers dating help and relationship advice as the weekly love and dating coach on the KTRS Radio Morning Show (St. Louis, MO) and through her syndicated column, “Dear Dating Coach.” Her newsletter, The Art Of Intimacy, helps over fifty-five hundred subscribers with its dating and relationship advice. Toni is a member of The International Coach Federation, The International Association Of Coaches and The National Association of Social Workers
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Toni_Coleman
Is it CHEMISTRY? Probably.
Just the mention of this term conjures up powerful feelings and images for anyone who has ever been in or seeking a love relationship. It is often described as a feeling that leaves you breathless, excited and weak in the knees. Palms sweat, the heart races and the body tingles with nervous anticipation.
It is believed by virtually everyone that true love cannot exist without chemistry. Therefore, the conclusion most would-be lovers come to is that if they experience these intense feelings towards someone, they have the basis for an ideal and lasting relationship.
Right? Maybe not. For this definition of chemistry is limited to one's physical response to another person. It lacks an entire dimension that resides in our values, beliefs, personalities and worldview
In order to know you have the right connection with a potential (or existing) partner, it's important to have a basic knowledge of what real chemistry consists of, instead of embracing only the myths that surround it. This can be difficult to do. This intense, physical passion is the stuff that Oscar winning movies and best-selling books are made of. So, take a step back for a minute and see if you recognize yourself in the following.
Sarah is a thirty something, very attractive and successful, professional female. She has been in a relationship for over a year with a man who is unfaithful, disrespectful and incapable (unwilling) to make any commitment to her. Yet, when he makes late night "booty calls", forgets her birthday, or stands her up repeatedly - she remains available and willing, in spite of her general unhappiness and upset over their "relationship". Why? "I think I have mistaken great sex for love. I feel this intense chemistry and physical intimacy when we are having sex, even though he offers me nothing else. Over time, it has left me unhappy and feeling badly about myself."
John is an attractive, intelligent, 30 something male who owns his own successful business. He's dating a woman that he thinks he is in love with. He has knowledge that she has been out with other men. She cancels dates and is often critical and emotionally distant. She refuses to discuss commitment or taking the relationship to the next level. Yet, she turns to John for emotional, physical and financial help whenever she feels she needs it. Why does John continue to see her? "She's beautiful and the sex is great. We have such strong physical chemistry. It's almost like an addiction for me. My friends can't stand her and even I know she's not really a "keeper", but it's hard to walk away.
These vignettes are great examples of how physical chemistry can be mistaken for the real thing. The attraction on one level is strong, yet these are not relationships that have the right elements to grow into happy and satisfying partnerships.
So, what is missing?
Kahlil Gibran defines it as "spiritual affinity". It's the hidden element of chemistry. It's when two beings meet and connect on a deeper level. It can only be felt in the heart and soul. It's about friendship, respect, humor and the feelings of warmth and contentment that come when you are in his/her presence.
People often report finding one without the other. This is understandably a cause of great frustration and confusion about whom should we choose and why. In order to understand this better, it is helpful to know how and when each facet of chemistry occurs.
Physical attraction (or lust) generally begins during our first contact with someone. It can DEVELOP into something more over time, yet some pull is there from the beginning. The chemical that results from this attraction (and intensifies it) is phenyl ethylamine - or PEA. It is a naturally occurring substance in the brain. Essentially, it is a natural amphetamine. It stimulates us and increases both physical and emotional energy. The attraction causes us to produce more PEA, which results in those dizzying feelings associated with romantic love. Another substance that is released by PEA is dopamine. This chemical increases a desire to be physically close and intimately connected.
When these chemicals are being secreted in larger doses, they send signals from the brain to the other organs of the body. If you wonder why you or someone is attracted to the "wrong" person, it may be because you are high on the physical response to these substances, which overwhelm your ability to use your head and exercise "good judgment and common sense".
"Spiritual affinity" develops over time and repeated contact. When these feelings begin to emerge, the brain produces endorphins. These are more like morphine and result in an increased sense of calm that reduces anxiety and helps to build attachment. As relationships move into this phase they are characterized by more comfort, commitment and friendship.
Generally speaking, all "soul mate relationships" require at least some measure of each of these. The important thing to remember is that they come in stages, which is not to say that the physical attraction passes as one moves into a deeper connection. However, it changes. We cannot sustain those intense emotions as we travel down the road to commitment and a shared life. However, in healthy relationships those moments of intensity can and do occur for brief intervals at intermittent times.
Remember not to confuse great sex or deep friendship with romantic love. Instead, look for a measure of both of these in your feelings for another. For then you have the ingredients that lasting love is made from.
Toni Coleman, MSW is a licensed psychotherapist, relationship coach and founder of http://www.consum-mate.com. As a recognized expert, Toni has been quoted in many local and national publications including: The Chicago Tribune, The Orlando Sentinel, New York Daily News, Indianapolis Star and Newsweek newspapers and Family Circle, Woman's Day, Cosmo Style, Tango, Men’s Health, Star (regularly quoted body language expert), and Nirvana magazines. She has been featured on abcnews.com; discovery.health.com; aolnews.com; MSN.com, Match.com and planetearthradio.com. Toni offers dating help and relationship advice as the weekly love and dating coach on the KTRS Radio Morning Show (St. Louis, MO) and through her syndicated column, “Dear Dating Coach.” Her newsletter, The Art Of Intimacy, helps over fifty-five hundred subscribers with its dating and relationship advice. Toni is a member of The International Coach Federation, The International Association Of Coaches and The National Association of Social Workers
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Toni_Coleman
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